The Fabulous Adventures of Astera: Writer/Actress for Hire

The Future is Wide Open

2009-06-29T15:27:00.000-07:00

Into the great wide open, under the skies of blue...that Tom Petty chorus describes my life perfectly right now. Well, except for the fact that we're suffering from "June gloom" here in Dana Point, so the skies are more gray than blue. But you get the idea.

Now that Mr. Pink and I are both out of work, we have the opportunity to reshape our future. As I see it, we've got nothing to lose, so we might as well go big. Mr. Pink made some fantastic connections at the HOW Design conference, and we are already working together to create a website and brand identity for our first client...Soda Creek Vineyards.

Our skills are complementary, so we're going to take the plunge and start our own creative agency. We've got all the equipment and know-how we need. We just have to build up our client list. Oh, and come up with a name for our endeavor. And market ourselves. And create our own website.

As I see it, the American economy is moving further and further away from the old employer/employee model. Let's face it...most jobs provide little more than a paycheck, and possibly health insurance. In many instances, perks like paid vacation, sick leave and 401(k) matching are no longer being offered or are on the chopping block. (My last position offered none of those things, not even health insurance.) And for people my age, employer contributions to Social Security and Medicare are likely to be worthless by the time we're eligible for such benefits. Sure, companies like Google offer an enviable array of employee benefits. But as I see it, those companies are the exception, not the rule.

Striking out entirely on our own is not going to be quick or easy, but we will be 100 percent in charge of our own destiny. Exciting? Definitely. Scary? Absolutely. Worth it? Stay tuned...

If you need writing, editing or design services from a young, hungry, talented duo, leave a comment in the comments section, and we'll help you fulfill your needs, at an attractive price.

Unemployed Again

2009-06-25T15:34:00.000-07:00

I just became a statistic. My boss laid me off today "due to the economy and lack of work." Let it also be noted for the record that lack of common business sense on the part of the business owner was a contributing factor in my layoff.

About two months ago, my boss signed a three-year lease for 2,000 square feet of office space. He spent $10,000 on new office furniture, about $6,000 on new computers, another $6,000 to have the computers networked and installed, and who knows how much on a VoIP phone system. He did all this even though we didn't have any clients or any new business in the pipeline. He did all this, and yet he cheaped out on buying an official licensed version of the Adobe Creative Suite software. The software just updated itself and Adobe realized that the license was invalid and locked the software. The graphic designer can't use any of the programs and is working from home. So now there's just my boss and one full-time employee sharing all that shiny new office space with him. Excellent decision-making, sir! Way to be a "top-tier, Fortune 500-level" marketing and advertising agency!

Mr. Pink is unemployed as well, so I'm not sure what the two of us are going to do. We're both looking for full-time work, but we are also considering starting our own marketing and design firm. I know that we have more talent than my (former) boss does, and I'm pretty sure we have better business sense, too.

Ah, life. It's always interesting, no?

Unemployed? No, Funemployed!

2009-06-16T18:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't been laid off--yet--but the situation seems grim, so the axe could fall at any time. I need a little cheering up, and this article from the L.A. Times inspired me to create me own list of why a part-time work schedule isn't so bad.

1. A part-time paycheck is better than no paycheck at all!
2. More time to spend with Mr. Pink (also "funemployed).
3. Leaving the office at 1:00 means less temptation to go out to lunch, saving me both money and calories.
4. More time to exercise--it is bikini season, after all!
5. Matinee pricing at the movies.
6. More time to outline my ideas for my next novel.
7. Finally time to watch the entire seasons of Private Practice and Damages that are currently residing on my DVR.
8. More time to plot with Mr. Pink about creative business ideas that will allow us to throw off the shackles of working for the boss man forever!

It all boils down to one simple fact: I have more free time, but less money. So my approach is twofold: I'm finding free ways to enjoy my free time, and I'm seeking ways to make my free time pay!

Dealing With Rejection

2009-06-13T17:26:00.001-07:00

Even though I have signed with a literary agent, rejection from other agents still stings. When I started sending out query letters, I didn't realize just how long it would take for agents to respond (if they responded at all). So, today, I received a rejection letter from an agent that I queried back in February after meeting her at a writers' conference.

She wrote me a very nice personalized letter which said she enjoyed meeting me at the writers' conference and that my character's story "is a moving one, threaded with the right touch of humor and poignancy. Unfortunately, I wasn't as taken with the writing as I was hoping to be, and as I would need to be in order to represent this novel properly."

Look, I know that not everyone is going to love my work. Rejection is part of the process. The important this is that my current agent is excited about my manuscript. But rejection still hurts. And it makes me doubt myself and my writing. Another agent who rejected the manuscript said in her note that I was doing too much telling and not enough showing. She wrote, "You have an intriguing story concept here, but you need to get us to the drama faster."

So I worry. Are these two agents right about my work, or is the agent who signed me right? Is my novel really ready to be submitted to publishing houses? Is it good enough to get a book deal? Should I go back and do rewrites? What if it gets published and is then savaged by the critics and totally bombs? Why am I filled with self-doubt? When should I listen to my critics, and when (and how) should I trust myself?

Any advice or commiseration would be much appreciated. For now, I'll try and drown out the self-doubt by telling myself that my agent believes in my work, and Mr. Pink believes in my work, and my family believes in my work, and I can't just focus on the negative all the time. And it's 5:35 on a sunny Saturday evening. I think I'll have a nice cocktail now.

Nothing To Do But Laugh...

2009-06-11T14:17:00.000-07:00

My boss keeps telling me that decisions on our key messaging points and unique selling propositions simply cannot be rushed. Well, today, dear readers, after five months and 27 days of pondering those points, my boss imparted his great wisdom to me.

It was not worth the wait.

Here's what we do: we develop brands and position companies to succeed. We handle media planning. We "create marketing campaigns from concept to delivery with creative, out-of-the-box thinking [side note: is there anything less creative than the phrase 'out of the box'?], implement [sic] through traditional and new media platforms."

Yep, that sure sets us apart from all the other advertising and marketing agencies out there.

He also listed our strengths. And can you guess what he listed as our No. 1 strength? Take your time...I'll wait.

Himself.

As he explained to me, my boss is a marketing expert, and is therefore the very essence of our company. Has he worked in a marketing or advertising agency before? No. Has he successfully launched any major campaigns? No. Has he published any articles or white papers on innovative marketing or advertising practices? No. Nevertheless, he is a marketing expert. I think someone may have been exposed to too many self-esteem classes as a child.

And finally, my boss has decided that each of our web pages needs a creative title. So, instead of calling our portfolio page "Portfolio" or "Sample Work," he wants to name it...drumroll, please..."Picassos." What else can I say?

But I'm trying to stay positive. I still have a job, albeit for only 20 hours a week. And now I have a new project to work on...coming up with a tagline and writing our web copy.

Astera Breaks Her Silence!

2009-06-08T15:52:00.001-07:00

Did you miss me, dear readers? It's been a full six months since my last blog post, and I'm sure all 12 of you are simply dying to know what's been going on in my life. Quite a lot, actually, which is why my blog posting has fallen by the wayside.

Let's start with the good news, shall we? I now have a literary agent! Yay! Of course, this doesn't necessarily mean that my book will be published, but it does move me one very important step closer to that goal. Most publishing houses will not review unagented material, so having an agent helps get me in the door. And, at the writers' conference I attended back in February, one editor was interested in seeing my manuscript once I found an agent, so maybe she will fall in love with it and buy it. Here's hoping...

So, I've accomplished one half of one of my New Year's resolutions for 2009. The year is only half over, but I feel like I should have made more progress on my resolutions by now. Resolutions #2 and #3 (put my promotional plan for said novel into place and sell film rights to the novel) hinge on the second part of resolution #1 (find a publisher for the novel). I was doing really well on resolution #4 until a pinched nerve and severe muscle spasms forced me to give up my martial arts training for a while. Luckily, I am now on the mend.

But now for some bad news. Mr. Pink was laid off from his job in April, and my hours at my job were cut in half last week. So, our financial situation is grim and it looks like resolution #5 (pay off credit card debt--for good this time!) is going to have to take a backseat to paying our essential bills, like rent. We are cutting back as best we can, but at this point, our main goal is to not increase our debt at all.

In other bad news, it turns out that the job I liked so much after I started in December is not quite as good as it seemed to be. (Nothing ever is, is it? Sigh.) My boss is, to quote a friend, "completely batshit crazy." We're a small marketing and advertising agency, but we have no clients, and my boss refuses to make decisions that would enable us to get more clients. Oh, we did have one client, but that all went sideways and now the client is refusing to pay his rather substantial bill. Anyway, if you were running a business and were considering hiring a marketing and advertising agency, would you hire one with no website? No portfolio of sample work? No marketing collateral? Business cards with out-of-date contact information? Well, I am shocked! Whyever not?

My boss seems to fixate on things like how spreadsheets should be formatted and what font we should use in our company emails and whether or not his personal assistant needs to de-lint his chair, but we've been working on our "key positioning points" since I started, and he's no closer to finalizing them than he was six months ago. Now, if it were me, I wouldn't have started a business without already knowing how to differentiate my service from my competitors, but that's just me. So, now we can't write web copy or a sales glossy or any other collateral until he nails down the positioning points. Our sales rep is completely frustrated, because when he does make contact with potential clients, they ask for additional information about our company, and he has nothing to give them. And although my boss keeps insisting that we are a "top tier" marketing and advertising agency, it doesn't really strike me as "top tier" to hand out business cards with our old phone number and address crossed out and our new information written in.

Although my reduction in hours at work comes with a reduction in pay, it does at least give me the opportunity to focus on finding new freelance clients and on helping Mr. Pink brainstorm on how best to start his new business. And, I'll be able to blog more frequently! So all is not lost, but we are a bit adrift.

What's new with you? How are you surviving the recession? More crazy boss stories and book publishing updates coming soon!

Resolutions, 2009 Edition

2009-01-01T20:27:00.000-08:00

As I look back over my list of resolutions from January 2008, I realize that I didn't do too badly. Let's review, shall we?

2008 Resolutions

1. Find a more fulfilling career, or at least one that does not cause me to curse the very daylight at the start of each new workday. Well, I've only been at my new job for a few weeks, but so far, I am much, much happier than I ever was at Indymac Bank.

2. Finish my novel (sooner, rather than later). Accomplished!

3. Find an agent and a publisher for said novel. In progress...I hope. Still no word back from the agent to whom I submitted my work in October. Time for a new round of submissions!

4. Travel the country (the world?) promoting my novel. Will have to wait until novel gets published.

5. Sell the film rights to my novel. See above.

6. Eat more fruits and vegetables. Eh...I did okay at this, especially if we count mashed potatoes!

7. Take up a new physical activity...perhaps ballroom dancing, even if Mr. Pink won't do it with me. Accomplished! I thought I'd take up ballroom dancing, but who knew that I'd actually end up training in martial arts?

8. Pay off credit card debt and stick to a budget. I stuck to a budget, more or less, but credit card debt continues to bedevil me.

9. Be fabulous. Always!

So, here we are, January 1, 2009, and it's time for a new set of resolutions.

2009 Resolutions

1. Find an agent and a publisher for my novel. Maybe I'll get some bites at the writer's conference I plan to attend in February.

2. Put my promotional plan for said novel into place.

3. Sell film rights to the novel.

4. Stay active and healthy.

5. Pay off credit card debt. (For good this time!)

6. Enjoy life.

7. Work on a new addition to the Astera/Mr. Pink family. (No news yet...and no big hurry, either!)

8. Be fabulous.

So there you have it. Mr. Pink and I just ate our black-eyed peas to ensure luck for the upcoming year, and we're looking forward to seeing what the future brings!

A Quiet New Year's Eve

2008-12-31T21:09:00.000-08:00

Mr. Pink and I thought about going out tonight to celebrate New Year's Eve, but we delayed and delayed, and then we thought, why not just relax at home? We had a wonderful Christmas celebration with our families up in Napa, so we were ready for some quiet time to ourselves. Besides, I've found that New Year's Eve parties are often over-hyped.

Mr. Pink got home before I did today, so he went grocery shopping and picked up the dry cleaning and cleaned the kitchen. When I returned from work, there were fresh flowers on the table (a beautiful tropical arrangement of Hawaiian ginger and birds of paradise), and he'd also laid out our fine china.

We celebrated with a delicious meal of New Mexican chile-rubbed pork tenderloin with ancho bourbon sauce and sour cream and green onion smashed potatoes. The recipes were courtesy of a Bobby Flay cookbook that the Blacklabels had given Mr. Pink for Christmas. We complemented the meal with a bottle of Migration Pinot Noir. (Thanks to the Pater Familias for that contribution to our wine collection!)

Now, we are relaxing in our warm and comfortable home, and soon, we will pop open a bottle of Mumm Blanc de Noirs and begin the countdown to 2009. And there is no one else that I would rather be spending my New Year's Eve with.

Happy New Year's, everyone! Check back tomorrow for my resolutions for the upcoming year.

Errors of the Week

2008-12-18T22:11:00.001-08:00

Hey, everyone makes mistakes. But that doesn't mean we can't all point and laugh!

This error comes courtesy of the Food and Drink Newsletter from the Tribune Group. Yes, I know that the company has filed for bankruptcy. Still, it should invest in some better copy editors! Oddly, the headline was correct on the original article. The dessert in question? An apple crisp.

This next error comes courtesy of the Dana Point Times, a small community weekly. The idea of wanton soup just makes me laugh. What's next...promiscuous pot stickers? Or, as Mr. Pink suggested, reckless rice?

On The Upswing

2008-12-14T20:58:00.000-08:00

In my last post, I wrote that my life was something of a roller-coaster ride, and I felt like I'd been hurtling downhill for awhile. But now, I'm headed back for the heights.

On Monday, I started a new job as a copywriter for a small marketing company. So far, I really like it. I work with intelligent people, and we have interesting clients. I even have an office with a door! In addition, I completed a small freelance assignment for a local publication, and I have a couple of new tutoring clients. And, my novel is still in play. (Well, at least I haven't received a rejection letter yet!) I've gone from being discouraged to being encouraged, just in time for the holidays. And I am so grateful to have gainful employment, especially since unemployment is so widespread.

Mr. Pink and I will be headed up to the wine country for Christmas, where I hope that we'll encounter merriment and good cheer, although family drama is sure to rear its head. All in all, though, it looks like the new year will be bringing us many blessings. And who knows? We might even have a very special addition in 2009...stay tuned.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

2008-11-26T22:19:00.000-08:00

My life is like a roller coaster...soaring highs and swooping lows. Right now, I feel like I'm on a descent. But things are picking up steam, and I think I'll be cranking up to another peak again soon. Besides, without the lows, the highs wouldn't seem very high, would they? Here are just a few of the things I'm thankful for:

1. I'm spending Thanksgiving Day with loved ones.
2. I have a good marriage.
3. I have caring friends and a wonderful family.
4. I just earned my yellow belt in martial arts, which gives me a sense of accomplishment.
5. I'm healthier and stronger than I have been in the past.
6. I have two job interviews and a freelance project lined up for next week.
7. I don't own a home, so I don't have to worry about foreclosure. And my rent is a fraction of what a mortgage would be.
8. When times are tough, I have a strong support network.
9. I haven't gotten a rejection letter from the literary agent yet.
10. I have an appreciation for both the ridiculous and the sublime.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Think Positive!

2008-11-21T15:14:00.000-08:00

The unemployment rate in California is now 8.2 percent, so I am trying to stay positive. Although I still do not have a job, I do have a lead on two potential freelance projects, and I think that at least one of them will come through. Fingers crossed!

Also, I got a very nice email from an acquaintance who read part of my book. She said it was "a real page-turner" and that she could immediately identify with my main character. Her kind words really cheered me up...there's nothing like a few compliments to provide a confidence boost.

Finally, I am physically much stronger and more flexible than I was just a few months ago, thanks to my martial arts training. I've never been particularly active or interested in physical fitness, but now I take pride in what my body can do. I haven't lost any weight, but I have built muscle, and I am much more toned. My instructor is even encouraging me to take part in an upcoming competition. I'm also working on a personal essay about my experiences, which I hope to be able to sell to a newspaper or magazine.

When I see how many other people are out of work, I realize that all I can do is keep trying and hoping for the best. Much of the situation is out of my control. The only thing I can control is my feelings and emotions, so I might as well try to look on the bright side. It's certainly better than being miserable and depressed!

Three Weeks and Counting

2008-11-18T15:51:00.000-08:00

It's been about three and a half weeks since I submitted my book package to a literary agent. In general, it takes at least six to eight weeks to hear back, so I'm not surprised by the lack of response so far. In fact, I'm just glad I haven't gotten a rejection letter yet! (Of course, I'm probably jinxing myself by writing this post.)

In the meantime, as my faithful readers know, I've been searching for a job. Here's a little progress report:

1. Wrote a banner ad, landing page, and lead-generating article for a small financial brokerage. The team was "real pleased" with my work and asked me for a price quote for two longer, more labor-intensive pieces, which I explained would cost more than the original article. I didn't hear back for a few days, and when I followed up last week, I was told that the company was still awaiting cost approval. I hope that the project will eventually move forward, but with massive belt-tightening in every sector, it may be a no-go.

2. Upon request, provided writing samples to a nutraceutical company that approached me after seeing my resume on Monster. My contact there then asked me to provide a 250-word writing sample, with citations, about the health benefits of co-enzyme Q10, "keeping in mind FDA regulations on what the nutrition industry can and can't say." In general, I am happy to take writing and copy editing tests as a way of proving my skills, but this company had not provided me any information about the position for which they were hiring, and when I went to its Web site, all that came up was a logo and a phone number. Also, the emails that I received from them were poorly spelled and punctuated, which seemed unprofessional. I asked my contact to provide some additional information, but I never heard from her again, leading me to believe this was a scam to get free work from unsuspecting writers.

3. Had a phone interview on Friday with the head of a marketing agency who was looking to hire a copywriter. We had a good chat, and he said he thought I could "provide value" to his company. However, he let me know that he was speaking to many other candidates. I followed up with a hand-written note. No word as of yet.

4. Created and sent a direct mail piece advertising my skills to local publications and marketing firms. Made one connection for a potential assignment next month.

5. Got in touch with an old client that generally asks me to write catalog copy and press releases to refresh its corporate image before a major trade show in January. Sadly, I learned that the company had hired an in-house public relations person to handle those needs. I was not considered because I live 400 miles from the office.

6. Revamped my resume to make it more targeted for administrative jobs, which seem to be more plentiful than writing jobs. Applied for positions such as receptionist, typist, and executive assistant. No response as of yet.

7. Signed up with a temporary placement agency. No assignments currently available that match my skill set.

8. Updated my LinkedIn profile and have been spreading the word that I am eager to find full-time or contract employment.

9. Advertised my tutoring abilities in the local area.

10. Attended a training session to become an SAT essay grader for the Princeton Review. Awaiting the next step--an online test.

I realize that the employment situation is grim and that many, many others are searching for work. I had just hoped that my combination of education and experience would qualify me for something. I am even willing to start over and take another entry-level position, despite my years of writing and editing experience. However, it's depressing to find that entry-level positions still pay so little. I saw one assistant position advertised where the president of the company wanted someone with three or more years of experience to keep the office clean and organized, answer phones, design marketing materials, handle accounts payable and accounts receivable (MUST be a QuickBooks PRO!"), run personal errands, babysit his children, take care of his home and pets, make travel arrangements, assist his wife with any requests, "complete any and all tasks asked of you which may at times be unexpected or unorthodox," "be able to think for him," and be available 24/7, all for $32,000 a year. I've seen other positions advertised that claim to have "competitive compensation," which in their minds is $26,000 a year. When I got my first job nine years ago, I made $35,000 a year. But hey, the marketplace is glutted with people looking for work, so employers can afford to be picky. Maybe I should be applying for these positions as well, on the theory that any job is better than no job.

At least Mr. Pink is still gainfully employed. We are also lucky to be renting a nice condo in a beautiful area that is unaffected by the Southern California wildfires. I have good friends and a fantastic family. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. But I just don't know what else I can do to find a job. Some of you have offered very helpful suggestions in the past. Any other thoughts?

Exploring Every Option

2008-11-13T17:44:00.000-08:00

Recently, I sent out a direct mail package to local businesses and publications to pitch my writing and editing services. Only one person has responded so far, but I am hopeful that the connection will lead to paying work. I'm also applying for jobs like crazy, and I'm writing custom-crafted cover letters for each one, but it's tough not to get discouraged when I rarely get any sort of response.

I did receive an email from a woman who said she saw my resume on Monster, and she requested some writing samples, which I sent. Now, however, she wants me to write a short article on spec, with citations, but I don't even know what company this is for, or what sort of duties this job would entail. The company "Web site" is really just a landing page with the company name and phone number. That's it. I told the woman that I'd be happy to complete a writing test, but I wanted to get more information about the position they were hiring for first. So far, I haven't heard back.

It seems like there are so few legitimate job opportunities out there, so I'm doing my best to create my own opportunities, but it's an uphill struggle. I'm sure many of you out there can relate. If you're searching for a job right now, what are you doing to keep your spirits up? Me, I'm making sure to get lots of exercise. I'm also trying to focus on the positives in my life, such as my supportive family, my loving husband, and my great friends. Still, it would be nice to have a paying job!

VOTE!

2008-11-04T07:40:00.000-08:00

This morning, I was wide awake at 6:30, and I am by no means an early rising morning person. I think I woke up early because I am excited and nervous about today's election. Make sure you vote...I think it's going to be a close one.

I'm voting for hope and change and an intelligent, thoughtful leader. I hope you do the same.

A Bright Spot!

2008-11-03T16:32:00.000-08:00

About a week ago, I applied for a position as an SAT essay grader for the Princeton Review. I felt sure that my experience as a test prep tutor and my background in journalism qualified me for the job. Luckily, I was right...I have been invited to attend an essay grading training session next week! I hope that once I complete the training session, I'll be hired. The hourly pay is quite good, so it will be a nice supplement to my income, even if there are only a few hours available each week.

In other news, I continue to apply for jobs every day. Full-time, part-time, freelance...at this point, I'm not picky. I hope that Mr. Pink is right when he says that a job search is at least partly a numbers game and eventually someone will call me in for an interview. Also, thanks to the continuing generosity of the Pater Familias, I am no longer having panic attacks about paying my bills. Seriously, I do not know what I would do without the love and support of my family.

So, Mr. Pink and I are still in belt-tightening mode (who isn't, really?), but I am feeling a bit more positive about my prospects. And let's all hope that the literary agent who has my sample chapters falls in love with my book and wants to represent me!

Being Proactive

2008-10-30T16:49:00.000-07:00

Since I am one of many, many people seeking employment right now, and since prospects seem grim, I am instead focusing on increasing my base of freelance clients. I've put together a marketing letter and a list of clients I've worked with in the past, and I've ordered shiny new business cards. Now, I'm developing a contact database. I hope to get my letters in the mail next week.

It's tough to stay positive in this environment, especially when the bills just keep pouring in, but the income doesn't. Mr. Pink and I are trying to cut back any way we can, so we've stopped going out to dinner, and we're always on the lookout for free entertainment. Last weekend, for instance, we went to an art gallery for a free exhibit and free wine. The one thing I don't want to cut out is my martial arts training. It gets me out of the house, for one thing. Plus, the strenuous exercise releases endorphins, which make me feel a little bit better, at least temporarily. And I'm focused on a goal. I'm training for my yellow belt. Besides, kicking and punching in class is an excellent way to reduce stress and frustration!

Do you have any job-seeking or money-saving tips? If so, please share!

Fait Accompli

2008-10-22T14:19:00.000-07:00

It is done. My query letter, synopsis, and sample chapters are on their way to a literary agent in New York. Now, the waiting game begins. And as Tom Petty said, "The waiting is the hardest part."

I started writing my novel a little more than a year ago. I've written, re-written, read, re-read, edited, proofread, cut and pasted. I'm sure I'll continue to tweak it, but for the most part, it's done. And now, I don't know what to do next.

I researched my agent choice carefully. I selected someone that I met briefly at a writer's conference, who expressed enthusiasm for my 30-second pitch. She's said in interviews that she's interested in material that will make her cry, and she accepts submissions from unpublished novelists, so I think I have a decent shot. She's also said that she has trouble keeping up with her mail, so the wait could be a long one. I'm glad I sent my package out, but I'm also a little nervous, because one person told me I shouldn't even be thinking about contacting an agent without having first hired a professional editor to read over my work. I'm sure a pro could have helped, but I didn't have an extra $1,000 to spend on that. I did take a workshop and two classes, though, and I got a lot of feedback from friends and a published author, so I'm hoping that will stand me in good stead. Fingers crossed!

Mr. Pink is encouraging me to start work on my next book, but although I have a few ideas, I don't really know what I want to write about next. What I really need to do, as mentioned in my last post, is find a source of reliable income. So far, my job applications have been unsuccessful. I'll keep trying, and I'll keep trying to drum up freelance business and tutoring clients, too, but I kind of feel like I'm in limbo.

Any suggestions on what to do next?

Good News, Bad News

2008-10-15T13:28:00.000-07:00

Once again, I am looking for a job. Once again, I am not having much luck.

I understand that this is at least in part a problem of my own making. I don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to employment. I have a tendency to quit my jobs after about six months. Or eight months. Or a year. Or in one ill-fated case, five days. In many ways, I know I am better suited to the freelance lifestyle. I have no problems meeting my deadlines and turning in copy that makes my clients happy. The problem is, I've never quite been able to make enough money as a freelancer. And now that I've taken a few months off to finish my novel, money is a pressing concern.

The good news is that I just finished a freelance assignment for a new client, and the team was "real pleased" with my work. The client didn't balk at my hourly rate and is likely to assign me another project. It was pretty interesting work, and not a bad way to make a few hundred dollars. But a few hundred dollars is not going to pay the bills.

The other good news is that I'm nearly done editing my novel and will be sending out my package to an agent next week. The bad news is that I may not receive a response until the new year, and the response may be, "Thanks, but no thanks." In the meantime, I need to make some cash.

So, I am back where I started, looking for steady paying work. I've gotten a couple of bites on my resume, which is posted on Monster, but most of the responses have been from people who think I would make an excellent financial services consultant. They are sadly mistaken. I barely have a grasp on my own finances, as evidenced by my credit card bills, so I am in no position to tell others how to invest or spend their money.

I did get an email today about an opportunity that is more in line with my skills, but the pay is far too low to make financial sense. It's a Web copywriting position, in which I would interview clients and write copy for their Web sites. I would need to contact the client for an interview and determine their content needs. I'd then write the information, submit it to the client for approval, and then complete a rewrite "should it be required." The final content would be due within five business days of the assignment. For this, I'd be paid 5 cents a word, plus $10 per interview. Also, I'd have to complete a sample writing assignment (for free!) of no more than 1200 words. And what's to stop the company from using my "writing sample" as actual content? Nothing, I'm sure. But let me do the math for you--if I were to be paid for those 1200 words, I'd get $60. I'm guessing the interview would take at least an hour, and the writing would take several more hours, not including any rewrites. So, I'd probably wind up grossing about $12 an hour. That's nearly five times less than my new client has agreed to pay me. But the sad fact is that most people are unwilling to pay for well-written, compelling copy. They pay what the market will bear. And although I need the money, I'm not going to sell my writing skills on the cheap.

Instead, I plan to continue to prospect for freelance clients, and I also hope to pick up some tutoring clients. In addition, I am looking for administrative and executive assistant jobs. Many of those jobs pay $15 an hour, and I definitely have the organizational skills and can-do attitude necessary to succeed. The only problem is that I don't have a lot of specific admin experience, although I can type 60 words per minute, I have a pleasing and professional phone voice, I am an excellent filer, and I am a terrific multi-tasker who thrives in fast-paced environments.

So what do you think I should do? Should I dig deep into my checkered career history and include on my resume my experience as a receptionist for the Sports Club/LA? Sure, it was seven years ago, but I did answer multiple phone lines, schedule personal training appointments, and handle class sign-ups, all for a very demanding clientele. (You do not want to get between wealthy people and their Spin class sign-up sheet!) Should I throw myself into freelancing and just be prepared to live off credit cards for awhile? (Been there, done that--not a smart strategy.) Should I donate plasma? (I'm scared of needles!)

Realistically, I know that my best bet is to be entrepreneurial and create my own opportunities. There are some people out there who appreciate good writing and are willing to pay for it. I am also an excellent copy editor and proofreader. But in reality, I need a steady paycheck.

Things will work out, as they usually do--fingers crossed. I suppose all I can really do is persevere and explore every option. And hope that my first novel becomes a raging success!

Cruising

2008-10-08T15:27:00.001-07:00

Although my Mediterranean cruise has ended and I am back on terra firma, I keep dreaming that I'm on a ship. Every night since my return, my dreams have taken me back to the high seas. Last night I even dreamed that my family and I jumped on a cruise to Alaska, even though we hadn't bought tickets. We saw glaciers and polar bears and managed to avoid the ship's security team, which, let me tell you, cannot be done in real life.

Mr. Pink and I were among the youngest adult cruisers on board. There were a few honeymooners, but for the most part, retirees make up most of a cruise's population. No big surprise...cruising is an expensive proposition. When you look at the per-night cost of taking a cruise versus staying in a hotel, cruising looks like a deal, especially in Europe, where the dollar remains weak against the euro. After all, room and board are included in the price! But cruises get you in two ways...the shore excursions and the alcohol. We only took one shore excursion, or organized tour. The rest of the time, we struck out on our own.

The shore excursion to the ancient city of Ephesus was definitely worth the price, but some other excursions seemed overly expensive. For instance, a "Tour Athens on Your Own" package cost $55 per person. But you were touring on your own, so all that really got you was a bus trip back and forth from Piraeus. "Pshaw!" we thought. "Who needs that?" After all, we were with my family, and the Pater Familias speaks Greek. We walked to the train station and took the train to the Acropolis for only a few euros apiece. Of course, as we were boarding the train for the return trip, my mom had her purse snatched, and despite the heroic pursuit of Mr. Pink, the thief escaped. My mom lost about $250, so we were out about the same amount we would have paid for the bus trip. Plus, Mr. Pink injured his already-fragile ankle and had to be doped up with pain pills, so in retrospect, the bus might have been a smarter choice. But how could we have known?

The alcohol was another story. My brothers, the Pater Familias, Mr. Pink and I all enjoy a good cocktail. And on the cruise, we enjoyed several each day. Even my mom indulged in a frozen margarita or a pina colada on occasion. Let me tell you, that adds up fast! And the waiters are all so attentive, arriving ever so discreetly at your elbow to offer you another refreshment just as you've finished the last few drops of your previous beverage. No wonder the cruise lines don't allow you to bring your own alcohol on board...it would cut into their profit margins! I tried to stick to the special "drink of the day," which was $5.50 instead of $7, $8, or even $9, but the costs still mounted. The best deal was wine by the glass, because the waiters and bartenders gave a very generous pour. You know how in a restaurant you order a glass of wine and it's maybe half full? Not so on this cruise. Every time any of us ordered a glass of wine, it came filled almost to the rim. I enjoyed a very pleasant rose for $6.50 a glass. And there's just something about sitting out on the ship's deck, watching the sun set and the land recede as we left port while sipping a glass of rose. Quite civilized. Quite.

There was one other surprising expense that was perhaps not so civilized: bingo. It may sound strange, but I love me some bingo. I have ever since my family spent time up in a ramshackle cabin in Lake County, where a couple of swimming pools, a snack shack, a tiny general store, and nighttime bingo were the amusements on offer. I even went up during high school with some friends, and we amused ourselves to no end by yelling out "And after!" when B-4 was announced. We also sometimes shouted out "And malignant!" after B-9, but not as many people seemed to get that joke.

But I digress. The point is, when I played bingo in my youth, the cards cost maybe a dollar apiece, or maybe five dollars for blackout, when the jackpot was higher. Do you know how much it costs to play bingo on a cruise? Twenty-nine dollars, my friends. That's right...twenty-nine dollars for four measly games. And they didn't even have the good cards with the little windows that you slide shut to cover the numbers! No, the choices were paper punch cards, or an electronic bingo machine (which cost more) that kept track of all the numbers for you. Now, what's the fun of bingo if you don't actually cover up the numbers yourself? Anyway, none of us hit the jackpot, but I did win a lovely Celebrity Cruises visor in a drawing, and my brother Esquire won a very fetching T-shirt (retail price $27.99 in the gift shop).

More about our cruising adventures later. For now, the bottom line is that if you're considering a cruise, go for it. You'll probably have a lot of fun. Just make sure you budget for all the little cruise "extras." My next credit card bill is not going to be pretty. And now that my novel is finished, I need to find a J-O-B. Sigh. No wonder I keep dreaming about being on a cruise.

The End...At Last!

2008-09-19T12:50:00.000-07:00

I am proud to announce that I have finished the first draft of my novel! It's perfect timing, too...Mr. Pink and I are flying out to meet my family in Rome, where we will embark on an 11-night Mediterranean cruise. I'll have some time to relax and reflect, and then when I get back, I'll look at what I've written with fresh eyes. My goal is to send my query letter and synopsis out by mid-October.

Of course the draft still needs work, but it felt incredible to write, "The End!"

Short Cuts

2008-09-15T16:47:00.001-07:00

Last week, I got my hair cut. It's darker and even shorter than usual. I was a bit shocked at first, but now I really like it. And Mr. Pink likes it, too. For some reason, he's got a thing for women with short hair, which is good for me, because he even liked me with my post-cancer Sinead O'Connor style.

Today, I realized that I am so on-trend with my hairstyle. "Posh Spice" Victoria Beckham just debuted her close-cropped locks, and love her or hate her, you have to admit that she's a trendsetter. Of course, she apparently waited three months to have her hair cut by celebrity stylist Garren, who charges an astounding $700 for a haircut. I got a similar cut for $65, and I've got to say, I think I look better. Why? Because I know how to smile!

Stop the Republican Madness!

2008-09-03T17:06:00.000-07:00

Let's get one thing clear right away...I was never going to vote for John McCain. He's old, he's out of touch, and I disagree with most of his policies. And now that he's got Sarah Palin on the ticket, I hope that other voters can see just how dangerous a McCain presidency would be for our already-damaged country.

I'm not an Obama maniac. As most of you know, I supported Hillary Clinton. But Obama/Biden would be far better for our country than McCain/Palin.

There are so many things that trouble me about Palin, and about McCain's decision-making process in choosing her as his running mate. From all I've read, it seems that he buckled under pressure to choose someone who was anti-abortion in order to appease the Christian right-wingers. Yep, that John McCain is a real maverick who thinks for himself!

I'm also insulted by the idea that the McCain campaign thinks that former Hillary supporters such as myself will vote for Palin because she's a woman. Palin is no Hillary Clinton. She lacks Clinton's experience and judgment. Voting for McCain/Palin just because there's a woman on the ticket seems to me to be the worst kind of affirmative action. For me, a candidate's policies and experience count more than gender.

Palin may wish to be portrayed as a happy hockey mom, but is that experience enough for one of the biggest jobs in the country? At the Republican National Convention last night, one speaker pointed to Palin's PTA leadership as proof that she had the skills necessary to serve as America's vice president. Yes, because running the PTA is just like running a country!

Besides her lack of experience (but hey, Alaska's close to Russia, so that should count for some international experience, right Cindy McCain?), here are the other problems I have with Cindy Palin:

*She wants to expand oil drilling, even though funds for drilling could be better spent on researching alternative energy options that would reduce America's addition to oil

*She may have tried to ban books in Wasilla:

[Former Wasilla mayor John] Stein says that as mayor, Palin continued to inject religious beliefs into her policy at times. "She asked the library how she could go about banning books," he says, because some voters thought they had inappropriate language in them. "The librarian was aghast." That woman, Mary Ellen Baker, couldn't be reached for comment, but news reports from the time show that Palin had threatened to fire Baker for not giving "full support" to the mayor.

*She is anti-abortion, even in the cases of rape or incest.

*She believes that the Iraq war is a mission from God.

*She believes in abstinence-only education for teenagers, and opposes giving them any information about birth control. (And that's worked so well for her daughter.)

*She doesn't believe that human actions cause global warming.

*She thinks creationism should be taught in schools.

Is this a woman who is prepared to be president? After all, with McCain's advanced age, she is just "a heartbeat away" from the presidency.

I also have problems with the entire Republican party. According to news sources, in his speech, Mitt Romney will say, "The right course is the one championed by Ronald Reagan 30 years ago, and by John McCain today. It is to rein in government spending and lower taxes, for taking a weed-whacker to excessive regulation and mandates, for putting a stop to tort windfalls, and to stand up to the Tyrannosaurus appetite of government unions."

Really? Reign in government spending? Then why did Palin ask for all that money in government earmarks? Take a weed-whacker to excessive regulation and mandates? Except, I guess, for regulations that could outlaw abortion. And according to social conservatives, the government, in the form of the FCC, should regulate what people see on TV. But that's not excessive. The hypocrisy of the Republican party is breathtaking to me.

Please, I implore you, vote Democrat this next election. Otherwise, Mr. Pink is going to make me move to Panama.

Becoming a Curmudgeon

2008-08-21T21:48:00.000-07:00

I regret to say that I am well on my way to becoming a neighborhood curmudgeon, at the precocious age (well, precocious for a curmudgeon) of just 32.

Three things happened today to provoke my curmudgeonly response:

1.) My upstairs neighbors continue to run a cabinet refinishing business out of their garage. I actually think that I am justified in being a curmudgeon on this one. They are using a variety of toxic stains and shellacs, and I have seen them rinsing their paintbrushes directly over a drain that leads to the ocean. Also, HOA and city rules prohibit running such a business from a residential neighborhood. And finally, as someone whose lungs have collapsed and who has survived cancer, I don't think I should have to breathe their fumes every time I walk out my front door. However, I am apparently the only one bothered by their activities, so my complaint to the HOA has gone unanswered.

2.) When I came back from a walk today, there was a carpet cleaner working on the apartment upstairs. He had brought a child along with him (his son, perhaps), but the child had strewn a number of plastic toys all over the steps that lead to my unit and was playing on the steps. I had to pick my way around him and his toys. I shot the carpet cleaner a questioning look, but all I got was a hastily mumbled apology. Thankfully, the child cleaned up his toys and left in short order. Still, it annoyed me. Would you let your child play in someone else's front yard? I doubt it. So why let him play on someone else's steps?

3.) It was a warm evening, so we opened up the sliding doors leading to our patio to get some air circulation. I kept hearing hooting and hollering and strange yelps, but I couldn't figure out where they were coming from, and Mr. Pink was out running an errand. Finally, I walked out to the sidewalk that abuts our patio, and I saw four teenagers who had apparently decided that the sidewalk was their new hangout. I felt kind of bad for them because I know what it's like to want to hang out with your friends but have nowhere to go--I grew up in a town nicknamed "Slow-vato," after all--but I still didn't want them making so much noise. So, I told them to move along. To my surprise, they actually listened to me. There's a Starbucks and some other restaurants right across the street...I told them to go hang out there. At least that way, they wouldn't be making a ruckus right outside my patio.

In some ways, I'm sorry to be so crusty and curmudgeonly at such a young age, but at the same time, I just want some peace and quiet. Is that so much to ask?

Picture Time!

2008-08-14T20:33:00.001-07:00

Here we are being fabulous waiting for the band to go on at a bar. Note Mr. Pink's heavily bandaged arm. That's what happens when you are in a motorcycle accident and you're wearing a T-shirt instead of your protective leather jacket! Luckily, it's healing up beautifully, and he won't even have a scar. Nice hat, don't you think? Very on trend.
At dinner at Iva Lee's earlier that night. Delicious food...I want to go back just for the beignets! A note about my hair...I was rocking this style long before Katie Holmes got her hair cut.
Me with my friend's baby girl. She is one of the cutest little girls I have ever met, and she has the most adorable dimples!
I got Mr. Pink to hold her, too! Does he look a little bit panicked? He'll have to get used to it, because eventually, we'll have a baby of our own. My brother Esquire has given us 18 months to make it happen: nine months of practice and nine months of pregnancy. I'm happy to stick with the practicing part for now.

Happy Birthday to Me!

2008-08-04T21:59:00.000-07:00

Once you hit 30, your age doesn't really matter anymore, right? Well, at least not until the big 4-0 looms. And luckily, I am still quite a ways from that terrifying milestone. As one of my friends would put it, I'm just celebrating my "double sweet 16."

Today is my official birthday (well, at least for two more hours). The party really started on Friday, Aug. 1, when my brother Esquire and his girlfriend came into town. We spent that evening with drinks and appetizers at the Chart House, where we had a great view of the harbor below and the stars above.

On Saturday, we did a little shopping at Fashion Island. (I showed admirable restraint, although Mr. Pink treated himself to a few birthday items...his birthday was yesterday!) Then it was manicures and pedicures for the girls. Mr. Pink stayed home to watch sports, but Esquire joined us for a pedicure--he's post-metrosexual, I guess. That night, it was off to Iva Lee's for a New Orleans-style feast. We met up with another couple there, and the six of us shared incredible food and a couple of delicious bottles of wine from our modest collection. I had beignets for dessert, which were so good that my mouth waters just thinking about them. We hit a club later, and a couple of other friends met us there. Unfortunately, the band we wanted to see didn't take the stage until late (too late for us old folks), but we caught part of their performance.

We all slept in Sunday morning and shared a homemade brunch with bellinis and mimosas. Then, Esquire and Blondie had to leave (hey, she needs a nom de blog of some sort!), but the party wasn't over for Mr. Pink and me. He got to go hit golf balls, and then we went to his favorite red-sauce Italian joint for dinner.

Today was my day. I got to sleep in, and then I met up with Mr. Pink for a delicious barbecue lunch, where I got to open my gorgeous birthday present--a handblown perfume bottle which is just the sort of luxury item I love. Plus, my friends and family showered me with birthday emails and phone calls.

I finished another chapter in my novel this afternoon and attended my online writing class tonight, and then I got to open the rest of my gifts, which were all wonderful. I especially like my pearl cocktail ring from the Blacklabels, and my amethyst ring and spending spree cash from my parents. Mr. Pink was going to cook for me, but I was craving something specific--shabu shabu. We ended up a a great little hole-in-the-wall that was inexpensive and delicious.

Do you get the sense that most of our celebrating revolved around food and drink? You are correct! It's home cooking for the rest of the month, though. Back to real life...although I bet I can squeeze out a little more celebration over the next couple of days. It's a whole new year of my life. Let's hope it's exciting (in good ways, of course)!

A Tale of Two Houses

2008-07-29T21:53:00.000-07:00

So, Mr. Pink and I have been keeping an eye on real estate prices, because some day, when our net worth is positive instead of negative, we might like to buy a home. There are some encouraging signs--prices seem to be falling, even in our little beach community, and buyers have a wide selection of houses from which to choose. Of course, interest rates are rising, and "non-traditional" borrowers (like me) who don't have a steady income are unlikely to find competitive rates. We won't be buying a house soon, but it is still a goal.

The problem is, some prices still seem completely out of line with reality. For example, there are currently two houses for sale on the same street. They are even on the same side of the street, separated by just five houses.

The cosmetic differences are obvious. One home is vacant and plain. It has a somewhat neglected air. The paint is dull, the driveway is cracked, and the lawn is dead. The other home is filled with beautiful furniture and fresh flowers. The paint is bright and glossy, the lawn is a vivid green, and the home is trimmed with lovely fieldstone.

There are differences on the inside, too. The vacant home has worn-out floor tiles and chipped countertops. The carpets look a bit dingy, and the paint on the walls is a strange mustardy color. The other home boasts granite countertops, hardwood and travertine floors, and fresh, neutral paint. It also has stainless steel appliances.

But aside from the cosmetic differences, these two homes aren't so different. Both were built in the early 1970s. Both have fireplaces. Both have two-car attached garages. Both have views of a canyon. Both have similar floor plans, although one has an extra bedroom and a little more square footage. What really sets these two homes apart is the price.

The somewhat dingy bank-owned home has four bedrooms and two bathrooms and is approximately 1700 square feet. It's listed for $569,900.

The fixed-up home with the granite and the stone and the stainless steel has three bedrooms and two bathrooms and is approximately 1600 square feet. It's listed for $850,000.

Am I doing the math right on this one? Is this home really listed for $531.25 a square foot? Remodeling a kitchen and bathrooms and putting in hardwood floors couldn't possibly cost $280,000 for a 1600 square foot house, could it? So why is the price so high? Have we as a community so fetishized granite and stainless steel that we think homes with those features are worth astronomical sums of money?

Let's consider some of the other homes for sale nearby. There is a home a few streets over (in the same building tract) that also has three bedrooms and two baths, with 1600 square feet. It also has granite and travertine and crown moldings and cherrywood cabinets. It's listed for $599,000. Less than two miles away is a four-bedroom, two-bath house with 1900 square feet. It, too, has hardwood and granite, and it's listed for $649,900. At the other end of the scale, there is a home in a much nicer neighborhood with four bedrooms and two-and-a-half baths listed for $879,000. Then again, it has 2431 square feet of living space, not 1600!

So what makes this one little 1600-square-foot house worth $850,000? Absolutely nothing. It's not even in the realm of reality. I know it won't sell for anywhere near that price, if it ever sells at all. I mean, I hope the lenders have wised up and won't lend $850,000 on a house when others in the neighborhood are priced at $569,000 to $599,000 and may not even sell at those prices. What happened to comps? What happened to neighborhood values?

Well, I guess it's important to remember one thing: "Askin' ain't gettin'." And that's that.

The Funk

2008-07-24T17:30:00.000-07:00

My self-imposed deadline for finishing the first draft has come and gone. The first draft, alas, remains unfinished. Missing the deadline put me in a deep funk for a couple of weeks earlier this month, even if the deadline was, as Mr. Pink claims, "unrealistic." Our precarious financial situation also contributed to the funk, although my generous patron of the arts has provided much-needed relief.

Finally, the funk is beginning to lift. I'm spending more time writing, and I really only have a few chapters to go. Plus, I signed up for a great online class with the same instructor who was so helpful to me as I was beginning my novel. The class is helping me edit and polish what I have already written. Mr. Pink has been very supportive and encouraging, and I've been getting some positive feedback in class. So things are turning around.

What really made me shake off the cobwebs and laugh, though, was one of the most bizarre commercials I have ever seen. Ironically, the commercial was touting a remedy for the funk...different kind of funk than what I had, though. It featured a trucker and a monkey, and the trucker was talking about how his butt would get red and sore during long drives. The solution? Anti Monkey Butt Powder.

You have to watch a certain type of television to be afforded the pleasure of the Anti Monkey Butt Powder commercial. It doesn't air on Grey's Anatomy, say, or during the Olympic gymnastics trials. No, it was thanks to Mr. Pink's viewing habits that I saw this commercial. He watches car racing. Nothing so gauche as NASCAR, thank goodness, but he does follow Formula One, and he also likes the Moto GP motorcycle races. That's when the Anti Monkey Butt Powder commercial came on.

Anyway, I would like to thank the manufacturers of Anti Monkey Butt Powder for helping lift me out of my funk. And I am not the only one to have been charmed by the oddity of the commercial...this blogger also remarked upon the product.

Now that I have my own butt firmly planted into my desk chair, I may even have to buy some Anti Monkey Butt Powder. After all, according to the company's Web site, it is ideal for "occasions where you sit on your butt all day."

Remember, folks: "Don't let your buns get red, use Anti-Monkey Butt Powder instead!"

Look Ma, No Hands!

2008-07-02T21:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, California's hands-free cell phone law went into effect. Drivers can no longer hold their cell phones up to their ears while driving. Instead, they must use a headset. Now, I am all for this change, although I don't think it will do that much good. Studies have shown that talking on the phone while driving, whether with or without a headset, dramatically reduces drivers' abilities to concentrate on the road. Also, I find it odd that the law does not outlaw texting, checking email, eating, personal grooming, or other activities that require one-handed driving. Let me tell you, nothing is scarier than driving with the Pater Familias while he checks his BlackBerry every time his stupid email alert dings. Obviously, checking his email is much more important to him than ensuring the personal safety of his passengers.

I had a 60-mile drive yesterday to do some networking, and here are a few things I observed as I drove:

Several guys driving with their lean on, resting one arm on the rolled-down driver's side window. They were clearly too cool to drive with both hands on the wheel.
A woman brushing her teeth while driving. I have no idea where she planned to spit.
A man smoking and then tossing his cigarette butt out the window. What kind of arrogance does it take to view the world as one's own personal trash can?
A woman wearing headphones (yes, on both ears) and rocking out to music.
A blatant scofflaw driving with his phone pressed to his ear.
Someone reading the newspaper while driving. Yes, we were stuck in traffic, but even if we're crawling along at 5 mph, any sort of distraction can cause a rear-ender, which can then lead to a chain effect, and then, before you know it, there's a SigAlert for the whole freeway.

So, if we are going to enforce what some view as a "nanny law," why not take it all the way? Both hands on the wheel at all times! Then, the CHP could give just about every single driver a ticket, including me, when I take swigs from my water bottle. But there would be a bright side...all the extra income from those traffic citations could go a long way toward cutting California's budget deficit!

Both hands on the wheel--or else!

99-Cent Power!

2008-06-23T15:56:00.000-07:00

I love a bargain. I purchase my clothes when there's a sale, I clip coupons for groceries and toiletries, and I'm always on the lookout for special deals of any kind. I use my Entertainment Book to buy $6 movie tickets and to dine out at local restaurants that offer two-for-one entrees. Recently, Mr. Pink and I visited a new restaurant just because they were offering house wine for a penny a glass on Monday nights. It turned out to be really tasty, too!

Yet despite my bargain-hunting ways, I had never before shopped at a 99 Cent Only store. I'd heard great things about bargains to be had there, and I knew the store stocked national brands along with less-well-known ones, but I'd just never been. That all changed today.

The 99 Cent Only store that I visited was very clean and neat, with wide, well-lit aisles. The items for sale looked fresh and appealing, not all dusty and bedraggled like marked-down goods sometimes get. Most of the food products were off-brands, but I did notice some Zatarain's rice, Del Monte ketchup, Top Ramen noodles, and Progresso soup. There was also produce for sale, displayed in net bags or plastic packaging like you see at Trader Joe's. The toiletry section was a blast from the past, full of brands that I thought died in the 1980s.
But Flex shampoo, Halsa shampoo, Camay soap and Aziza cosmetics had all found a new life here at the 99 Cent Only store.

For young college students trying to set up that first apartment, a trip to the 99 Cent Only store is definitely in order. There were dishes, knives, and all sorts of kitchen utensils, all for 99 cents apiece. The store also offers cheap colored pencils, markers, and glitter glue pens--everything that crafty little children need.

Here is what I bought today:

3 gift bags--black, silver, and white
1 box security #10 envelopes (40 count, self-stick)
1 crossword puzzle book (I like to do them at the beach)
1 six-pack of sponges (UFO brand--there's a picture of a flying saucer on the package. Love it!)
1 plastic package of fresh jalapenos (16 peppers, total)
1 bag of limes (9 limes, total)
1 package Guerrero multigrain flour tortillas
1 package Guerrero small corn tortillas
1 box Zatarain's spanish rice
1 box Ziploc sandwich bags (25 count)
1 bag Hershey's Kissables
1 bag Hot Tamales (yes, I have a sweet tooth)

So, I bought 14 items. Was my total $14 plus tax? No, it was not. At the 99 Cent Only store, nothing costs more than 99 cents. Some items cost less.

My grand total, including tax, was $11.84. Not too shabby. I'll definitely be back. Right now, I'll do just about anything to stretch a dollar!

An Open Letter to United

2008-06-18T17:25:00.001-07:00

Dear United Airlines,

I understand that you, like most other airlines, are fighting for survival. I understand the soaring fuel costs have caused you to wring every single penny possible from your customers. But what I don't understand is why you think you are exempt from treating your paying customers with respect. After all, without us, you will go out of business.

My dad is a 1K member, and my husband is a Premier member. I don't fly as much as they do, but I have been a lifetime member of Mileage Plus, and a fairly loyal United flier. Okay, I do take Southwest sometimes, but only because when I fly between the San Francisco Bay Area and Southern California, their fares are almost always a lot cheaper. I would like to fly United all the time, really, I would. But I can't afford to pay $200 more per ticket. I still feel guilty about flying Southwest, though. I'd much rather be in my preassigned United seat, rather than jockeying in line with other Southwest passengers.

But I digress. The point is that I like you, United, and I have stuck by you through good times and bad. In fact, if you still had Shuttle by United, I'd be flying that instead of Southwest. However, my last experience with you was terribly disappointing.

I made use of your "EasyCheckIn" to print my own boarding pass. Before I left, I checked to make sure my flight was on time. I was taking a shuttle bus from the Napa Valley to SFO, so I had to get on a 2:30 bus in order to make it to the airport by 4:00 to check my bag on time for my 5:17 flight (yes, yes, I could have carried on, but not with two bottles of wine in my suitcase). Everything was going so smoothly until the bus pulled up outside the United terminal and my cell phone started ringing. It was an automated message from United, letting me know that my flight had been canceled and I had been rebooked on the next flight.

Here's the problem: the next flight wasn't until 8:35, so I was faced with the prospect of cooling my heels in the airport for the next four-and-a-half hours. Now, maybe you like airports, United, since you do so much business in them. Me, not so much. And to make matters worse, no one from United would give me the time of day. All I got was a curt hand wave and an instruction to stand in line with 75 other people. The line wasn't moving, partly because only one staff member was working at the counter. I hate lines. And I really, really hate lines in airports. I already stood in line to find out if I could check in for my new flight. I didn't want to stand in another line, especially when I knew I still had to go through the security line. This so-called "customer service line" was barely controlled chaos.

I was considering cashing in my ticket and walking over to the Southwest terminal to get on their next flight. Then I remembered that Southwest would only get me from SFO to LAX, and my car was at the John Wayne airport in Orange County. Instead, I called my father, the frequent flier, to see what he would do. He told me that I should go to the Premier Executive/ 1K line and ask for some sort of compensation for my troubles.

When I walked over to the business class/first class/premier/premier executive/1K section of the terminal, it was like a whole different world. Transactions were completed in hushed tones, and the quiet was such a relief after the maddening din of the other part of the terminal. Also, transactions were completed quickly, probably because there were four agents there, and no line at all. Now, United, I understand why your high rollers get special treatment, but does it really make sense to have four agents for no line and just one for an out-of-control line? Why are you paying agents to stand around and wait for customers? Why not press them into service where they are most needed? Oh, right. They probably don't want to deal with the hoi polloi any more than I do.

The "security guard" at the special area asked if I was first class or business class. Premier Executive, I told her, and those were the magic words. She didn't even ask for any sort of identification. The agent who helped me was very nice, especially because he spoke in posh British tones. He told me that my flight had been canceled because of mechanical reasons. Now, if it were weather-related, I could understand that United couldn't help me. Mechanical is within your control, though, United. I thought that if the airline was at fault, I could at least get a meal voucher or a travel certificate or something, because I was stuck at the airport, he said "no." It's just another way that United is cutting costs, he said. Basically, he told me, in United's eyes, I was still getting to my destination in a timely fashion. "After all," he said, "people aren't going to go back to taking the stagecoach from the West Coast to the East Coast."

I was still frustrated, but at least this agent checked my bag for me. He did not, however, let me go through the special security line for premier members. Instead, I had to dive back into the scrum and wait in line with people who apparently have never traveled before. (Huh? Why can't I take liquids on the plane? What do you mean, I have to take my shoes off? Why can't I carry on my chainsaw? Oh, wait, that last thing happened in Greece on Aegean Airlines--sorry, United.)

So there I was, stuck at the airport. I didn't even get a measly drink ticket for a free drink on my flight. Finally, I was able to board the plane. But here's the weird thing, United: How did all the people from my flight fit on the plane with all the people from the existing flight, along with twelve additional passengers who cleared the standby list? Even then, United, the plane wasn't full. Don't insult my intelligence by lying to me. If you canceled my flight because you didn't have enough passengers, at least tell the truth. Oh, but wait, there are probably some FCC regulations about just canceling flights willy nilly, aren't there?

I know it wasn't like I was out stuck on the tarmac with no food or water or working lavatories, and it's not like I had to spend night after night in the airport after my flight was canceled because of an act of God, or anything like that. And maybe a four-hour delay isn't really that long in the grand scheme of things. But what really galls me is that I suspect you lied to me about the "mechanical" and that you weren't even willing to throw me a tiny little piece of compensation to assuage my hurt feelings.

Well, United, I have learned two valuable lessons from this experience. First of all, I now know I can't trust you not to cancel flights at the last minute. And second of all, I know now that I have to fly a lot more and rack up a lot more miles to even get a customer service agent to speak to me. But the thing is, United, when you treat me like this, why would I want to?

Very truly yours,
Another Disgruntled Traveler.

Deep Thoughts for the Weekend

2008-06-06T17:47:00.000-07:00

I was reading Judith Warner's opinion column in the New York Times, and it got me thinking about the way in which the media handled Hillary Clinton's campaign for president. Now, I know that Clinton is a polarizing figure who can evoke strong feelings in voters. Fine. If you don't like her, then attack her policies, or go after what she believes in. Don't attack her just because she's a woman. Whether you like Clinton or hate her, she shouldn't have been subjected to such misogyny in the press. If you don't believe me, watch this video on YouTube.

As the video makes clear, Clinton is not the only female to be the subject of such sexist comments. Why do we still focus so much on a woman's looks? Why are her looks more important than her abilities? And why aren't men treated with the same scrutiny? Think about it...most of the discussion about Obama was about his character. Even the whole scandal with his pastor was based on what Obama believed in. But with Clinton, it was about her clothes, her makeup, her "castrating" attitude. The media delicately handled the subject of Obama's race. But there were no holds barred when it came to the subject of Clinton's gender.

I don't have much else to say. I'm just disappointed, I guess. I thought Hillary Clinton was a worthy presidential candidate, and I was excited to vote for a woman for our nation's highest office. I'll support Obama now--I believe that at this point, the most important thing is to get a Democrat back in the White House--but I hope that a woman runs for president again soon. And when she does, I hope there is more discussion about her policies, and less discussion about the way she looks.

I'm Free!

2008-05-30T17:36:00.000-07:00

**This post is dedicated to my one loyal reader, who takes the time to email me when he feels that the content is getting a little stale.**

Yesterday was my final day at my hated job. Here's how much I hated my job: When I had my appendix removed, I was glad, because even though I was in pain, I got to miss a week of work.

Oh, sweet, sweet freedom! I worked at a mortgage bank. An "Alt-A" lender--also known as lender who was happy to give out low-doc or no-doc "liar loans," and was now busy foreclosing on its customers. That really should be enough to explain why I hated my job, but allow me to elaborate.

No more "data checks." No more "disclosures." No more reading the exact same letter text four times each and every day. No more checking the marketing calender on the "SharePoint" to verify a telephone number. No more calling that number over and over to make sure it works. I got news for you--if it worked yesterday, it should still work today. No more reading the same exact outgoing customer email and hosted page (exactly the same text as the email, but hosted on our server, for those people who can't figure out how to display the images in their email!) and landing page at least four times--once in Yahoo, once in Hotmail, once in Gmail and once in AOL. But hey--those people who read their email in Outlook, we don't care how the email looks to them. And those people who have Macs? Yeah, the emails we send them look like crap, but it's their own fault. Why can't they just get PCs, like the ones we use at the bank? (I know this to be true...I have a Mac, and when I when I look at the emails the company sends out on my computer, they are all crazy and misaligned, with weird characters in them.) No more being on the "seed list," which required me to allow the company to send each and every marketing piece to my home address. I'd get three or four "loan offers" every day. And for some offers, we'd include a prepaid FedEx envelope. Now, we have at least 14 people on this seed list. Wouldn't someone finally think, "Hey, we can save a chunk of change if we stop sending prepaid FedEx envelopes to our own employees, especially since they are getting fake loan offers!"

No more computerized time card that keeps track of time by the minute and rounds up at the 30-second mark. I could clock in at 8:31:33 a.m., but according to my time card, I wasn't actually there until 8:32. And you had to be logged on to your computer and on the correct intranet site in order to clock in. And the computers were so slow that it could sometimes take 10 to 15 minutes to log on. (My record was actually 23 minutes--and every morning, it took at least a minute for the intranet site to load.) And those are minutes that you are not getting paid for, my friend. No more "big boss" who couldn't spell simple words like "shiny" (we had a "shinny star employee award" for two months running) and who didn't know the difference between "sense" and "since." "That just does not make since to me!" he would peck out on his CrackBerry. Yeah...he was my boss's boss. But then again, why would you possibly need to know how to spell when you're the first vice president of marketing? It's not like the marketing team sends out direct-mail letters to customers or anything. It's not like those letters need to be properly spelled. Oh, but wait, I forgot...this guy was too important to have to know how to spell. After all, he was so busy that he couldn't be bothered to send actual emails. No, he would just send subject lines, like "Where are we on this?" And then when you had the gall to ask for clarification on what "this" was that he was referring to, he wouldn't bother to respond for a good 24 hours, minimum. He was important! He couldn't be bothered with petty employee questions! Why weren't we smart enough to read his mind?!

All right, enough of that. I am free now. And today, I celebrated my freedom by getting a new, "sassy" haircut, definitely not approved for corporate work. It's messy! It has sticky-uppy pieces! It's short! My husband thinks it's sexy!

After my haircut, I returned home to work on my novel. That was the whole point of quitting, after all. I am taking a month off of "real work" to finish the first draft of my novel. I love my new job, but sadly, the pay isn't so great. So, I have to start looking for paid work that would start in July. I do have a couple of freelance invoices coming due, though (stupid net-30 pay policy), and I have a tutoring client right now, so I'm bringing in a little money for the month of June. Anyway, I have faith that it will turn out all right. And, I have faith that I will get my novel published. And first-time novelist advances are like, what, a good $10,000 or $12,000? We'll be rich! (Ha, ha.)

I Went to Greece, and all I Got was this Lousy Kidney Infection*

2008-05-08T14:04:00.000-07:00

*Okay, so the country of Greece probably didn't give me the kidney infection, but still, the timing is awfully suspicious.

Hello readers! I am sure you have been waiting with bated breath for my return. And here I am.

I was in Greece celebrating Greek Easter in the small village where the Pater Familias spent his summers. Apparently, he rode a mule from his hometown village up into the mountain village. We, on the other hand, took a car from Thessaloniki, Greece's "second city."

The village was very quaint. Apparently it is now a summer getaway. It has winding streets full of houses in various states of disrepair (many of them are all rebuilt and modern, though), a church, and a "downtown," which consists of two cafes and maybe a market. Unfortunately, it was not summer while we were there. Although it was the end of April, we had wintry weather to contend with. One day as we drove to a restaurant a little further up the mountain, we saw a thin blanket of fresh snow. Yes, it was that cold! I had sweaters and long underwear and gloves, but I really wish I'd had a hat and a warm coat.

Easter is the biggest holiday celebration in Greek Orthodoxy. First, we went to church on Friday night to see the representation of Christ's bier. Tradition has it that if you crawl under the bier, you'll have good luck. I did not stoop so low. Instead, I contented myself with some fragrant lilacs that I plucked from the bier--also supposed to be good luck.

Although Easter is supposed to be a time of fasting, there were lots and lots of Greeks who weren't following that restriction. We didn't follow it, either. At one lunch, we had salad, giant beans, bread, keftedes (seasoned meat patties), tzatziki (cucumber yogurt dip) sausages, pork chops, and goat. (Yes, goat. It tastes like lamb, but a little greasier and gamier. I am not a fan.) That was a lot of food. Of course, there were nine of us, including two hungry young boys, but still! No wonder a Greek lunch lasts two hours and everyone has to take a nap afterwards! Oh, we also had wine, of course.

Speaking of wine, I think I tasted the worst wine in the world while I was in the village. I have trouble working out all the family connections, but my dad's cousin's wife's father (I think) made some wine from table grapes and then stored it in this big open barrel, I guess so that it could further ferment and turn to vinegar. Not so tasty.

Easter itself was lovely. We went to the midnight service at the church, and we all had candles. Religion seems much more relaxed in Greece. People came and left as the pleased, and everyone stood around and talked to each other, even while the priest was talking. Many of the candles were very elaborate, especially the children's candles. Some of them were decorated with butterflies or bicycles. My own candle, purchased for me by my thia Matoula, was very lovely, decorated with wax flowers. When the priest brought out his candle, all the children rushed over to try and be the first to light their candles from his. Then we all went out into the night with our lit candles, and everyone kissed each other and said Christos Anesti! (Christ is Risen!) and Chronia Pola! (Many Years!). There were even fireworks.

Back at the hotel, we had a bowl of soup (guts soup for the traditionalists and lemon-chicken soup for the squeamish), and we cracked our hard-boiled red eggs against one another's. The winner is the person who has the final uncracked egg. I lost immediately. Then we went to bed. The big celebration was on Easter Sunday.

When we came up for breakfast, we saw two animals being roasted on spits outside. We thought it was lamb, but it was more goat. Lunch was a festive affair. Some Greek music was playing on the radio, and everyone got up and danced. It doesn't take much to get a Greek to dance. And then they cry, too, because the lyrics are sad or nostalgic. Late that evening, we all sat around the fire in the lodge, drinking and waiting for the real party to begin. More and more people trickled in until the place was packed. The band arrived at about 10 p.m., but first they had to eat and drink and set up their instruments. At 11 p.m., the music started, and the dancing soon followed. I didn't realize that the clarinet was such an important component of Greek music. Finally, after much urging, I joined my relatives on the dance floor, but I didn't know the steps. The dances look simple, but that's just because everyone already knows how to do them. I tried my best, but I kept mixing up my feet. Still, everyone was very encouraging and polite.

Finally, at 1:30, I went to bed, tired and reeking of cigarette smoke. The Greeks have no non-smoking areas, except maybe in parts of the airports. However, the party continued into the wee hours. I heard it went on until after 3:00 a.m.!

For the rest of our trip, we spent a lot of time with relatives, but I did get to see the Meteora. It's these crazy rock formations in central Greece, with monasteries perched at the top. Many had beautiful frescoes, but the main monastery, the Grand Meteora, seemed more like a tourist attraction than a monastery. It didn't feel very reverent. I liked the smaller monasteries much better.

I got to explore Thessaloniki a bit, and I went to the Byzantine Museum and the Archeological Museum, both of which were quite interesting. All the treasures of Phillip of Macedonia and Alexander the Great have now been moved to Vergina, where they found Phillip's tomb. I wish I'd gotten to see that.

All in all, it was a very Greek experience, with lots of family and lots of food. Greece, however, is not quite a first-world country. There are still pit/squat toilets in existence! Dirty.

And then, we came home, and I took the first good shower I'd had in two weeks. (In Greece, there are little tiny shower stalls and flimsy shower curtains, and the detachable shower nozzle shoots all over the bathroom and gets everything wet, even the toilet paper.) I thought I was fine, all recovered from my appendectomy, just a little jet-lagged. But a day later, I was running a 102-degree fever and I was in quite a bit of pain. My doctor diagnosed me with a kidney infection, and on top of that, I think I got an intestinal bug or had a bad reaction to the antibiotics. I am almost recovered, and at least my illness allowed me to miss more work. But that's a whole other story. Opa!

Astera's Amazing Health Adventures!

2008-04-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

Dear readers, I am not a well woman. Though I am still relatively young, I have had numerous dealings with serious medical problems, and I want it to stop.

Here's the latest: Last week, I went to the urgent care center with stomach pain that would not go away. The doctor ran many tests, but was baffled and could offer me no answers. On Wednesday, the pain had shifted to my lower right abdomen. The Blacklabels happened to be in town at the time, and Mrs. Blacklabel, who had appendicitis four years ago, was convinced I was suffering from the same malady. But I thought appendicitis was usually much more painful. But on Thursday, when I woke up with a low-grade fever, it seemed that Mrs. Blacklabel was right. I went to work for part of the day, but at noon I went back to urgent care for a re-check. This time, the doctor wasn't baffled.

"Appendicitis," he pronounced.
"It can't be! I'm not hunched over and moaning in pain," I said.
"Oh, but you will be, if we don't take your appendix out.
He called down a surgeon. "Appendicitis," he told her.
She did a brief exam. "Appendicitis," she concurred.

I disagreed, but no one cared what I thought. Even if it wasn't appendicitis (which she was sure it was), the surgeon explained, the surgery would let them see if anything else might be causing the pain.

After that, it was rush rush over to the hospital. I checked in at 2:00 and was wheeled off to surgery at 3:10. Happily, Mr. Pink made it there in time to hold my hand and kiss me as I was rolled into the operating room.

I don't remember much of what happened next. Apparently, I was in excruciating pain, so the nurses kept giving me Demerol, which sent me into the land of clouds. I do remember Mr. Pink and the Rose Lady coming into my room.

"Was it appendicitis?" I croaked.
Mr. Pink and the Rose Lady exchanged a glance. "No. It was a ruptured ovarian cyst," Mr. Pink said. "But the surgeon took your appendix out, too."
"I don't understand. What happened? Why? Am I okay?"
The Rose Lady soothed me as only a mother could. "You're fine," she said. "Just rest and get better."

I left the hospital that evening, although the doctor recommended I stay. But because I had lots of caring family around (the Pater Familias flew in later that night), she agreed to release me.

So, for a week, I have been at home, recuperating. I am almost better. Then, I return to work for two days, and then I fly off to Greece for almost two weeks. I am sure I will be completely healed when I return.

But the underlying question is, what can be done to prevent more health problems? I should exercise and eat right, of course. But what else? Do I need to attend a healing spa? Start a yoga and meditation practice? Have my chakras cleansed? Have acupuncture? Strengthen my chi? I have been so reliant on Western medicine for so long that I don't even know what alternative treatments to try. Dear readers, what has helped you recover from illness and strengthen your immune system? I await your replies.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

2008-04-09T16:35:00.001-07:00

In my last post, I wrote about how I needed to find a patron of the arts. Lo and behold, one day later, I found a nice, fat check in my mailbox. I thought it was just a coincidence, but last week, it happened again! It's a miracle! I must be tuned in to the laws of positive attraction and The Secret and all that.

Okay, not really. The checks were from the Pater Familias, who reads this blog regularly. But what are fathers for if not to be patrons of their daughters' artistic endeavors?

Thanks, Pater Familias. You are always there (both financially and emotionally!) when I need you.

Seeking a Patron of the Arts

2008-03-18T18:43:00.000-07:00

Whatever happened to the patronage system of old? You know, the one where a wealthy, high-minded individual would take a promising young artist under his wing and provide a certain sum of money so that the artist wouldn't have to be concerned with filthy lucre? Instead, the artist was free to focus on his art, without the distractions of how he or she was going to pay those bills.

I think we should return to such a system. I, for one, could greatly use a patron. I have become more disciplined lately, and I am working on my novel every day, but my regular job makes it difficult to devote the time I need to the writing process.

All I'm looking for is someone to throw maybe $5,000 or $10,000 my way. Is that so much to ask? But it's not like this patron wouldn't get anything in return. First, he or she would get the satisfaction of helping a budding young novelist write her first book. Second, he or she would be prominently recognized in the acknowledgment section of the finished work. Third, he or she would be mentioned in any press or publicity that I do in support of my book. Fourth, he or she would get advance copies of my masterwork. And finally, my patron could rest assured that I would pay him or her back out of my royalties. (That is, assuming I make enough in royalties. But this book is going to be a hit...I can feel it!) And I don't necessarily need to have just one patron. Maybe three or four people out there are interested in contributing to the cause and sharing the glory.

You see, this situation is a win-win for everyone. Sure, there's a slight risk that the patron won't get all of their investment back, but he or she will have the satisfaction of telling friends that my published novel would not have been possible without his or her assistance. The patron might even get invited to some cool literary parties, where he or she could break out that tweed jacket with the elbow patches and engage in high-brow conversation. Just think of how erudite and impressive you would seem to your friends!

Think about it. I'm serious. We could have a great symbiotic relationship, my patron and I.

I Voted!

2008-02-05T20:27:00.000-08:00

I hope you all voted today. I expected long lines at my polling place, especially because the parking lot was packed, but the polls were pretty empty. I guess all the people were at the adjacent 24 Hour Fitness.

As one of the few Democrats in Orange County, I wanted to make my voice heard. And I voted for Hillary Clinton. I voted for her partly out of solidarity--I think it's high time we had a woman president. I voted for her partly out of nostalgia--we had some good times when Bill was president. But I voted for her mainly because to me, health care is one of the most important issues of this election, and I believe that she has the experience and the vision necessary to reform our broken system.

I read an excellent opinion piece in the New York Times yesterday that compared Clinton's health care proposal to Obama's. In short, Clinton's plan is likely to get more people covered, and it wouldn't be that much more expensive. Because of my health history, I know how vital health insurance is. If I had not had an individual health insurance policy when I was diagnosed with cancer, I would now be facing crippling debt. I'd just started a new job when I was diagnosed, and I was offered health insurance right away. But the job was in L.A. and I moved to Northern California to live with my parents during my treatment. Eventually, I had to take disability benefits. If I had taken health insurance from that job instead of keeping my own policy, I ultimately would have lost my benefits when I lost my job, and I would be faced with paying higher COBRA premiums. Plus, it would have been near-impossible for me to ever get a policy of my own again.

Any plan that helps more Americans get health insurance at a reasonable cost is one I support. However, we also need to make sure that the coverage we pay for is coverage we can actually use without fear of it being retroactively rescinded by greedy corporations who only want to insure healthy people who never use their health care benefits. We also need to find a way to tamp down health care costs that are spiraling out of control, and we need to make sure that good doctors continue to accept patients with health care plans, rather than discontinuing participation in such plans because of frustration over reimbursement.

I think that Hillary Clinton is the candidate who is best able to tackle the health care issue. She's not perfect by any means, but for me, she's the candidate who makes the most sense. I hope she wins the nomination. I look forward to voting for her as president.

Crazy People With Whom I Have Worked

2008-02-04T21:20:00.000-08:00

I have been fortunate in my career to not have worked with a great many crazy people. Of course, that may be due in large part to the fact that I frequently work as a freelancer, so my exposure to office politics and odd personalities is limited.

Okay, there was that editor at the community newspaper who invariably rewrote my copy to make it grammatically incorrect, forcing me to correct it before bluelines (luckily, I was also the copy editor). And then there was the publisher who was so paranoid that his employees (all three of us) were cheating him that he hired someone off-site to remotely monitor our computer usage. If we happened upon a Web site that was verboten for some reason, this mysterious off-site employee would shut down our computers. No warning. No sign. Just a blank black screen. Yes, Big Brother was watching. And do you know what one of the forbidden sites was? MediaBistro. That's right. A publisher of trade magazines forbade his reporters to visit a site about journalism. I learned this the hard way, of course.

But right now, I work with the most difficult person I have ever encountered in the workplace. She claims to work 12-hour days, but she falls asleep at his desk all the time. We usually work in different offices, but when we work in the same office, I'll glance over and see that she is fast asleep, snoring. Then she'll jerk her head up and type a few sentences, and then her head will slooowly fall back down. At first, I was worried that she had sleep apnea or some other health condition. Now I'm just annoyed that everyone, including her supervisors, knows that she sleeps at her desk, and she gets away with it, plus she gets to pull the martyr act about what long hours she works. Maybe she could leave earlier and even take a lunch break if she didn't sleep so much!

Speaking of lunch, she wants me to check in with her whenever I take a lunch break. Not for any particular reason. She's not my supervisor or anything. She just wants to know when I am out of the office. Another co-worker and I frequently go to lunch together, and this woman will deliberately call our desks during lunch. If we don't answer, she'll call our cell phones to find out where we are. No reason. Just because she thinks that if she doesn't take a lunch break, we shouldn't either.

Most gallingly, I recently tried to address some inefficiencies with her. We both proofread the same material, except she is supposed to look at it first. Well, sometimes we get the material well in advance, but she won't look at it until just before the deadline, and then she expects me to turn it around in a record amount of time. And she frequently gives it to me at noon or so, just in time for lunch! When I asked her why she couldn't spread the proofreading out a bit so that I was not constantly seeing things at the last minute, she went to our supervisor and told him that I had plenty of time on my hands, so I should start doing more of the proofreading. So what could I say? I told my supervisor I'd be glad to help out, and he thanked me for being such a "team player," but now I am doing all of my job and some of hers.

I'm just venting, I guess. But I do need advice. How do you deal with difficult personalities in the workplace? Or is the fact that my supervisor does not care about her sleeping on the job and her inability to get her work done in a timely manner mean that I should be looking for a new job?

Bragging Rights

2008-01-29T18:12:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend, I attended a writers' conference put on by San Diego State University's extended studies program. I didn't know what to expect, but it was totally worth the money. I have returned refreshed, exhilarated and re-committed to my novel.

When I signed up for the conference back in February, I had the option of paying extra for an advance reading appointment with a book editor. I decided to take advantage, and I submitted the first 10 pages of my novel, as instructed. I am so glad I did. Because I was her last appointment of the day, and because she was running a little behind, the editor spent extra time with me. At first, she asked a lot of questions, and I was worried that she didn't like my writing. But then she said that my writing was bright, crisp and well-paced and that my main character was totally real. She also asked me to send her my manuscript! She even said that she knew some young agents who might be interested in my work. And this was no editor from some tiny little publishing house. This was an editor at HarperCollins!

The next day, winners of the "Editor's Choice" awards were announced. Editors who had participated in the advance reading appointments were able to select one writer whom they thought had the best submission. And the editor who read my work chose me! I got called up to the front of the ballroom in front of everyone and I got a special blue ribbon to wear on my nametag, and everyone clapped and people congratulated me all day. It was wonderful!

I realize that this post has a lot of exclamation marks in it, but this was a very exciting event for me! Now, enough blogging...time to work on the novel!

Corporate Double-Talk

2008-01-15T21:58:00.001-08:00

You know what phrase I hate? "Right-sizing." I hate it more than "thinking outside the box," "digging down into it," "getting on the same page," and "huddling up." I hate it because it's a terrible and callous euphemism for laying off workers. It implies that the workers were somehow "wrong."

In a desperate bid to save itself from its own poor decision-making, my company "right-sized" 2,400 people out of jobs today. I, however, am still employed. For the time being.

A Bad Country Song

2008-01-10T20:15:00.000-08:00

Somehow, stealthily and not on purpose, my family has acquired all the characteristics of a bad country song. We have:

A beat-up truck (the water truck with the Pabst Blue Ribbon logo on it that we acquired as a piece of kitsch in homage to the Pater Familias's career.)
Guns (for the brothers and the Pater to shoot at clay pigeons. An aside: In idle conversation, we told a young and impressionable hostess at a restaurant about the plan to shoot clay pigeons. "Really?" she said. "Can you eat them?" We had to explain that they were, in fact, made out of clay.)
Moonshine (the grappa that the Pater makes in an antique copper still, using the grape skins left over after our wine is pressed.)

And now...

A three-legged dog.

Yes, our beloved Golden retriever, Rex, now has only three legs. He had bone cancer, and rather than put him to sleep, we decided that we should just get rid of the bad leg. Some people will think it's cruel, I'm sure, but he is an otherwise happy and loving dog, and we weren't ready to let him go. Now he won't be in pain, and the vet says that dogs can easily walk on three legs. Besides, if he were a person and had cancer, we wouldn't call up Dr. Kevorkian. We'd do anything we could to keep him alive.

So, there you have it. We've got all the country song cliches. Well, except for heartbreak. And let's keep it that way.

It's/Its--It's Not That Difficult!

2008-01-03T22:16:00.000-08:00

Now that I have started the new year on a positive note (see post below), I feel entitled to get a little cranky once more.

What is it about it's/its that befuddles so many people? It's is a contraction for "it is." Its is the possessive. "The geriatric cat still had all of its teeth. It's my cat." See how easy that is?

But apparently, the its/it's conundrum is even difficult for the seasoned reporters at the Los Angeles Times. How else to explain this headline?

If we spell out the contraction, the headline reads, "USC claims it is 23rd Rose Bowl Title." Clearly, that makes no sense at all.

Maybe the headline was written by actual USC graduates. That would explain a lot. (Yes, I'm bitter about the UCLA football season. But at least we've got basketball. And USC lost to Cal. Go Bruins!)

Happy New Year!

2008-01-02T20:29:00.001-08:00

Dear readers, I hope that you all had a festive holiday season. I certainly did. It was so festive that I almost managed to forget about my distressing work situation. There were holiday parties, dinners out, tree trimmings, wine tastings in Napa, present openings, fondue dinners (or fondue fiascoes, as the case may be...let's just say that when your fondue pot cracks down the middle, things haven't gone according to plan!), more dinners out, more wine tastings, and finally, New Year's Eve aboard John Wayne's yacht in the Newport Harbor. Not a bad way to ring in 2008. And on New Year's Day, we ate black-eyed peas to bring us good luck for the coming year. Mr. Pink and I did it last year, and we went from being jobless and living with my parents to having well-paying jobs (and he actually enjoys his!) and living in a lovely apartment in Dana Point. I hope the black-eyed peas will bring me extra-special good luck this year. Here's what I hope to accomplish:

1. Find a more fulfilling career, or at least one that does not cause me to curse the very daylight at the start of each new workday.

2. Finish my novel (sooner, rather than later).

3. Find an agent and a publisher for said novel.

4. Travel the country (the world?) promoting my novel.

5. Sell the film rights to my novel.

6. Eat more fruits and vegetables.

7. Take up a new physical activity...perhaps ballroom dancing, even if Mr. Pink won't do it with me.

8. Pay off credit card debt and stick to a budget.

9. Be fabulous.

So, I have to find a way to reconcile #8 and #9, but being fabulous does not have to involve spending money. And #3, #4, and #5 may be long shots, but why not dream big, right? After all, I have the support of my loving husband, my family, and my friends. I just need to stay motivated and believe in myself.

All in all, 2007 was a year of positive changes. I just hope that 2008 will be truly great!

Simple Math

2007-12-05T21:17:00.001-08:00

Since I started my full-time job, my blood pressure has skyrocketed (still normal, but high for me), my weight has crept up, and I've been running a low-grade fever. I am also tired and achy all the time. Mr. Pink says that getting some exercise will make me feel better and give me more energy, but let's run the numbers, shall we?

6:50 a.m.--Arise. Shower. Dress. Hair and makeup. Check email. Scan newspaper headlines.

8:00 a.m.--Leave (begrudgingly) for work.

8:30 a.m.--Arrive at work. Spend next 4.5 hours hunched over computer screen, proofreading the same form letter over and over. Also have added fun of reviewing spreadsheets and responding to email. If lucky and not too busy, get up for water and/or bathroom break.

1:00--Flee the office for lunch break, much of which is spent running errands, such as going to the bank, etc. Consider going home and never coming back. (Secret reason why I keep no personal effects at the office.)

1:45 (maybe 2:00)--Return to office. Repeat proofreading/spreadsheet/email duties.

5:30 (if exceptionally lucky--probably more like 6:00 or 6:15)--Flee the office for the comfort and safety of home.

6:00 (if exceptionally lucky--could be 6:30 or 6:45)--Arrive home. I need to be in bed with the lights out no later than 11:00 p.m., because if I don't get my sleep, I will get sick and/or have a complete meltdown at work. So, I have four-and-a-half to five hours to do any or all of the following:

*Laundry/household chores
*Prepare dinner
*Eat dinner
*Buy groceries/other household necessities
*Watch a television show
*Read a book
*Socialize with friends
*Read the Calendar section of the L.A. Times--the section with the comics (I love the comics)
*Work on novel
*Work on freelance projects, if any
*Converse with husband
*Wash face, brush teeth, choose outfit for following day

10:45--Get in bed.

11:00--Turn out light and pray not to have nightmares about work.

So, although exercise would be an excellent addition to my schedule, it's not something I enjoy doing, and I am loathe to spend any precious spare minutes doing something I don't enjoy. Also, I'm not quite sure where to fit it in. Perhaps I could stop doing household chores, in which case Mr. Pink and I could live in squalor. Or perhaps I could stop buying groceries...oh wait, I already haven't done that since Thanksgiving! Maybe the writer's strike will continue, and watching TV will become a moot point, since all the shows will be reruns anyway. I could probably stand to stop eating...I could stand to cut some calories from my diet. But I refuse give up working on my novel or conversing with Mr. Pink, and for the sake of not making my health any worse than it already is, I can't cut back on sleep. I certainly can't get up earlier. I detest early mornings. So really, I'm left with maybe three hours of disposable time each evening. I should spend one of those hours exercising...but I'd really rather do something more fun. Priorities, priorities.

I know that anyone who works full-time probably has a schedule similar to mine. We all have just a few brief hours of personal time each day. How do people who have hour-long commutes (or more) do it? They must get home, wolf down some food, say hello to the family, and go to bed, only to start all over again the next day. How do people who work 12 hours a day do it? How do mothers with kids do it? I cannot even begin to fathom it. It's a sad state of affairs, I tell you. I propose six-hour work days and four-day workweeks for everyone!

Do You Like Your Job? A Quiz.

2007-11-28T06:15:00.000-08:00

Here is a quiz that I have developed to see if anyone out there truly likes his or her job. I have included my answers, but here's a hint: I DON'T like my job. My husband says no one likes to work, and that's why we all get paid to be there. But surely someone must have a job that is at least tolerable. Give me some hope!

1. On Sunday afternoons, I:
A) enjoy watching football or other sporting events
B) indulge in a little shopping or see a movie with friends
C) relax at home
D) try to fight the rising panic in my gut because I know I have to go back to work tomorrow

My answer: D

2. On Monday mornings, I:
A) leap out of bed with a spring in my step, glad to greet another glorious day
B) burrow under the covers in the fetal position and hope that an asteroid has landed on my office
C) hit the snooze button seven times but eventually give up
D) do nothing. I don't work outside the home.

My answer: B

3. On weekday evenings, I:
A) prepare a nutritious dinner and plan for the next day
B) go to the gym or meet up wtih friends
C) come home and scream in impotent rage
D) veg out and watch TV

My answer: C

4. True or false: I would rather have an invasive medical test, such as anything ending in "oscopy" (colonoscopy, bronchoscopy, endoscopy) rather than go to work.

My answer: True (and I have actually had all of the above procedures.)

5. If I won or inherited $100,000, I would:
A) Keep my job and invest or put a down payment on a home.
B) Keep my job but lord my newfound wealth over my co-workers
C) Keep my job because working gives me a sense of purpose
D) Quit my job before the check even cleared

My answer: D

6. My job most closely resembles:
A) "The Office"
B) "Office Space"
C) Hell on earth

My answer: C

7. At my job, I:
A) Make a difference in the world
B) Perform rote, meaningless tasks
C) Shape the minds of our future generation
D) Do some fun stuff and some boring stuff

My answer: B

8. Describe your office environment:
A) A cubicle
B) A cubicle with a window view
C) An office with a door
D) A prison-like cell where I am well on my way to developing a hunchback, a squint, and a facial tic

My answer: D

9. While at work, I:
A) Enjoy gossiping with co-workers
B) Get a sense of personal satisfaction out of a job well done
C) Want to chew off my own arm to escape
D) Have some good days and some bad days

My answer: C

10. My job can best be summed up as:
A) A decent way to collect a paycheck
B) A soul-destroying 10 to 11 hours of inanity
C) Not a bad place to spend some time
D) The bright spot in my life

My answer: B

Scoring:
If your answers match mine, you hate your job. But you probably knew that already. If your answers differ from mine in any way, your job is not what you dread most in life. And that's a good thing.

Feel free to post your answers to this quiz in the comments section. And thanks for letting me vent! (I should try to look on the bright side, I know...at least I have a job!)

The Sunday Night Blues

2007-11-25T20:29:00.000-08:00

This long Thanksgiving weekend has been heavenly. Mr. Pink and I cooked a huge feast just for the two of us on Thanksgiving. It's the first year we've spent the holiday alone together, and although I missed my family, it was nice to spend the day on our timetable. For appetizers, we had mini chicken-apple sausages in a brown-sugar brandy glaze, along with mini onion-sage tarts. For the main course, I cooked a wine-braised turkey breast. We also had homemade cranberry sauce, balsamic-glazed cipollini onions, balsamic-garlic green beans, stuffing and mashed potatoes. We paired our feast with a Ridge Ponzo Vineyards Zinfandel (excellent) and Incognito, a Viognier from Lodi (not so good--we probably won't buy any more wines from Lodi).

On Friday, we went for a walk to the tidepools that are inaccessible for most of the year. Because the tide was so low this weekend, though, we could walk right out to them. Yesterday, we went for another walk on the beach, watched a little football (go Bruins!), and had dinner with some new friends. Today, however, I awoke with a feeling of doom because I knew that after today, it would be back to the daily grind. It also didn't help that I had insomnia last night and was more or less awake from 3:30 am to 6:30 am.

I actually have a short week again this week because of some medical appointments, and yet I am still dreading going back to work. I'm actually looking forward to my endoscopy--having a tube stuck into my stomach to see if I have an ulcer, which I probably do, considering how poorly I deal with stress. Hey, as long as it gets me out of work! This is not normal, right? Most people don't feel like they are going to have an anxiety attack the night before going back to work, right? And worst of all, this job has sapped my energy and my creativity, and my work on my novel has been completely stalled. This situation has to change. I just don't know how to change it yet.

Corporate America

2007-11-09T16:36:00.001-08:00

Maybe I am naive or misguided, but I just don't understand corporate America. Why would a company offer a job to someone whom they know is a good writer and editor, and then have that person do the equivalent of data entry? Oh, and sorting through returned direct mail pieces that the company sends out is another assigned task. The company gets boxes and boxes of this returned mail--what fun! I guess I should just shrug and accept it, because hey, they hired me and they're paying my (fairly generous) salary. But wouldn't a company want to put an employee's demonstrated talents and skills to use?

Perhaps not. After all, today I was included in an email chain from one of the big bosses. He was upset that a worker could not simultaneously manage seven projects in the time period that the boss wanted them to be handled. The boss wrote, "I just can't make since of this." At least if he'd written, "I just can't make cents of this," it would have been a pun. I just can't make sense of the whole company.

For Your Reading Pleasure...

2007-11-02T21:34:00.000-07:00

I haven't been posted much as of late, because all of my creative energies have been focused on my novel. I've written four chapters so far, and here, for your reading pleasure, is chapter one of (drumroll, please) The Chemo Chronicles!

The Chemo Chronicles
Chapter One
Clingy. That one word ruined my relationship. And now, it was putting my job in jeopardy.
It all started last night, when my boyfriend, Matt, came over to order takeout and watch a movie—his favorite way to unwind after a grueling week at the Century City law firm where he was a first-year associate. It was my turn to pick the movie, so we were watching one of those boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-makes-grand-gesture-to-win-girl-back romantic comedies. Yes, I am a bit of a sap. Once the movie was over, I turned to Matt and said playfully, “Why don’t you ever sweep me off my feet like that?”
Immediately, Matt’s face darkened. “God, Elena, you’re just never satisfied, are you? I don’t know if I can deal with your demands anymore.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “That wasn’t a demand. I was just joking around.”
“Yeah, sure you were. Just like it was all a big joke when I was late to pick you up for dinner the other night and you called me at work, at home, and on my cell phone to find out where I was. And when I didn’t answer any of those numbers, you started calling my friends!”
I bristled. “First of all, I thought they were our friends. And secondly, I was worried about you. You could have been in a car accident, for all I knew!”
“I was seven minutes late! You’re clingy, that’s what you are. You’re clingy, and you’re insecure, and I’m sick of it. I’ve had a long week, and I just wanted to relax. I didn’t plan on bringing this up tonight, but this is it. I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
“Wait, what? Are you breaking up with me?” I was stunned. Sure, we’d had some fights over the six months that we’d been together, but I’d never heard this tone from him before. I honestly thought that things were fine between us. I thought we were getting serious! Granted, he hadn’t told me he loved me yet, but I wanted to let him move at his own pace. I thought that I might be a little bit in love with him, but I certainly didn’t tell him that. That would be clingy.
Okay, I did have a tendency to call Matt rather frequently, and I knew he was a little upset when I dropped by his poker night with brownies, but all the other guys seemed appreciative. And then there was that time when I drove out to Malibu to bring him a picnic when he was surfing with the guys, but he never takes food with him and then he’s starving by the time he gets home. And maybe I shouldn’t have talked his neighbor into letting me into Matt’s apartment last week so I could cook him dinner, but he’d been getting home so late that I just wanted to make sure he had a decent meal. I was being thoughtful, not clingy!
Matt had been moody and snappish lately, but I thought it was just the stress of his job getting to him. After all, he was embroiled in a contract dispute between one of the firm’s biggest clients and her recording agency. He was always staying late at the law library to research the finer points of contract law for one of the partners, and he was exhausted half the time. Who wouldn’t be moody and snappish in that situation? I was trying to be caring and extra-attentive by calling him and doing nice things for him, and what do I get? I get called clingy.
“Yeah, I guess I’m breaking up with you,” Matt said.
“But I can change! I just felt like you were drifting away from me, so maybe I was over-compensating. But now that I know how you feel, I won’t call you all the time, and I won’t come by unannounced. Won’t that fix it?”
“No, Elena, it won’t. I just can’t be in a relationship right now. Certainly not one that’s as high-drama as this has been. I’m tired of comforting you after every blown audition, and I can’t deal with the constant phone calls while I’m at work.”
“Matt, come on…” I tried to snuggle closer to him on the couch. He stood up abruptly.
“No, you need to hear this. I don’t call you ‘just to chat’ when you’re working at one of your three ridiculous jobs. You call me whenever you need reassurance. Sometimes I feel more like your therapist than your boyfriend. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you’re not cut out for the acting business? You’re too thin-skinned. You can’t take every rejection so personally.”
That hurt. How dare he criticize my three jobs? Those jobs have allowed me to patch together a modest living and maintain a flexible schedule for auditioning. And how was I supposed to take rejection? These agents and casting directors were all rejecting me. Wasn’t that personal? And if Matt hadn’t wanted drama in his relationship, then I guess he shouldn’t have been dating an actress!
I tried to keep my emotions under control. “Okay, look. I won’t call you at work so much, and I’ll develop a tougher skin. Just give me a chance.” I looked up at him with my best flirtatious smile.
“It’s too late for that. I’m leaving, Elena. You can’t always just bat your eyes and get what you want. It’s not that I don’t care about you. I just can’t do this anymore.”
My eyes filled with tears, and for a second, Matt softened. But he shook his head and his expression became resolute. “Good-bye,” he said. And he left.
I admit it…I sobbed for about an hour after he was gone. And then I got angry. Who was he to call me clingy? Maybe he should have been showing me some extra attention, after all I did for him! And then I cried some more. In fact, I cried so hard that I gave myself a nosebleed. By the time I finally fell into a fitful sleep, it was three o’clock in the morning. I had to be up at eight to make it to my shift at Dans La Cuisine by 9:30, but of course, I slept through my alarm. Once I was awake, I had to do serious damage control with foundation, powder, concealer, highlighter, and Visine to make it look like I was awake and perky instead of depressed and zombie-like. I thought I still had a fighting chance at making it over to Santa Monica on time—after all, it was only four miles from my apartment in Brentwood—but instead, I was sitting in traffic that was moving at the speed of sludge.
Normally, I wouldn’t be worried about getting fired. Dans La Cuisine, the trendiest kitchen lifestyle store in all of the Southland, was perennially short-staffed, because the telegenic sales staff was composed of models/actors/whatevers who had no compunctions about quitting on the spot if an audition came up or they had a chance at wangling their way into some celebrity party where they could be “discovered.”
I say this with derision, but I really am no different. If my agent called and told me that a casting director wanted to meet with me, I’d be off like a shot, too. Unfortunately for me, the chances of this little scenario playing out were slim and none, namely because I have no agent. Yet. Of course, “no agent…yet,” is how I’ve been spinning it for the past eight months.
But back to the situation at hand. I am generally a good, reliable employee. However, I do have a tendency to run about five or ten minutes behind schedule. Doesn’t everyone, really? But when you work retail, the time clock makes no allowances for even a minute late. The five minutes here and ten there were adding up, and my boss, Casey, had noticed. It was just two days ago that she’d warned me that if I was late one more time, I would face “serious consequences.” With Casey, that could mean anything from being fired to being forced to work the stockroom for the next month. Still, I didn’t want to take any more chances, and I had vowed to make it to work on time. Yet here I was, nearly fifteen minutes late already, and I still had to find a parking spot. Yes, there were extenuating circumstances, but I didn’t think Casey would take my breakup into account when considering my punishment.
The clock was ticking, so instead of heading directly to Lot 2 or Lot 4, I drove right down Wilshire to check for any free meters on the street. But then I realized that I didn’t have any quarters, so I was forced to head to the public lots. Precious seconds wasted! And of course, when I got to the lot at 2nd and Arizona, I had to drive up to the very top level to find a spot.
In the interest of saving time, I decided to forgo the wheezing elevator that smelled faintly of urine. Instead, I sprinted down five flights of stairs that smelled strongly of urine. Ah, Santa Monica and its homeless population. I walked the three blocks to Dans La Cuisine as quickly as I could, dodging the pedestrians that were already thronging Santa Monica’s sunny sidewalks.
At last, I reached the store. I was nineteen minutes late, which meant I had only eleven minutes to prepare myself for the onslaught of customers that would flood in as soon as the doors opened at ten o’clock. Saturdays were always a big day for us. Dans La Cuisine is, like, the place for young, affluent couples to register for wedding gifts, and the free mimosas and bellinis we served on Saturday mornings just increased the crowd. I knew that my section (“esoteric housewares,” as I liked to call it, although its official name was “buffet de cuisine,” or “kitchen cabinet”) would be hopping. Even the men who were stubbornly opposed to any sort of shopping got a little trigger-happy with the registry gun when they got to my section. Panini presses! Shave ice machines! Quesadilla makers! Pasta extruders! Mandolines! Mortars and pestles! Corn zippers! Crème brulee torches! Carbon-fiber barbecue tools!
I was sure that these young, affluent couples rarely cooked. They were much more likely to dine at trendy restaurants and loungey supper clubs like Dolce, Geisha House, and Boa. But that didn’t stop them from registering for nearly every kitchen gadget in sight, even though most of these wedding gifts would be used once (if that) before being consigned to the back of the buffet. Well, except for the carbon-fiber barbecue tools, and the crème brulee torches, maybe. I don’t know why, but guys will buy carbon-fiber anything. And of course, they love fire. I had one customer tell me that he never planned on making crème brulee, but he wanted to get the torch so he could make brandy drinks and set them on fire.
The good news was that I managed to slip in without seeing Casey. The bad news was that my timecard would still reflect my extreme tardiness. Also, my carefully applied makeup was now sliding down my face, thanks to my stair sprint. Worst of all, Jessie, the biggest suck-up at the store and Casey’s favored assistant manager, was there to witness my late, late, late entrance.
“Hi Elena,” she said with a smirk. “Late again? Tsk, tsk. Luckily for you, Esteban quit this morning. Called five minutes before he was supposed to be here and said he was never coming back because he landed a TV pilot. So, I don’t think Casey will fire you today.”
An odd mixture of emotions washed over me—relief at knowing my job was (probably) safe, mixed with jealousy at Esteban’s good fortune. I had had the misfortune to sit through one of Esteban’s “talent showcases.” He conned most of the employees into coming by telling us there would be free food and drink and that we might even get to mingle with some casting directors. But when we got there, it was just sparkling apple cider and Cheez-Its, and any casting directors that sat through the showcase were up and out the door as soon as the lights came up. Esteban was probably the worst actor in the lack-of-talent showcase. His ripped body, poreless olive skin, and deep dimples were probably responsible for his casting coup. That didn’t make it sting any less, though.
“Hey, thanks for looking out for me, Jessie,” I replied in my best fake friendly voice. “You know how much I need this job, and I had a really rough night last night.”
“Reeaally? Well, just remember, we are implementing a random-drug test policy, so you might want to lay off the ‘rough nights’ in the future.”
I couldn’t believe that Jessie was insinuating that I used drugs—me, whose entire drug experience consisted of eating some pot-laced brownies and feeling absolutely nothing. In fact, the pot just spoiled my enjoyment of a perfectly good brownie. Still, I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of telling her about my breakup. She’d always made a point of telling me how cute Matt was, and how, if I didn’t hold on to him, she might hit on him herself. So instead, I simply smiled, slipped on my apron (tablier in Dans La Cuisine speech—they tend to carry the French theme a little too far), and made my way out to the sales floor.
I just had time to straighten up my display area before the newly-engaged women and their reluctant fiancés started streaming through the door. They grabbed their free booze as fast as Julie, another sales associate and one of my few friends at the shop, could pour it. By ten after ten, I had four couples waiting in line to ask my advice about the must-have housewares for their new love nests. What a joke. None of this stuff was “must-have.” If these people actually read a legitimate cookbook, as opposed to some self-serving tome written by a celebrity chef, they’d know that all a kitchen really needs is some high-quality knives and a few sturdy pots and pans. I worked on commission, though, so it was my job to steer people toward overpriced gadgets that would eventually turn into expensive dustcatchers.
My first couple was an impossibly perky blonde named Amber and her so-mellow-he-seemed-medicated fiancé, Colton. “So, we, like, totally love coffee?” Amber said. She must have been a transplant from the Valley. “And we want to register for a super-great coffeemaker? I mean, we want something that will make even better coffee than the Coffee Bean? So, what should we get?”
“Well do you want just coffee, or do you want to be able to make espresso, lattes and cappuccinos too?” I asked
“All that stuff, totally!” said Amber.
“One of our best-selling products is the Jura-Capresso Impressa F9. It’s not just a coffeemaker—it’s a whole coffee center in one machine,” I explained, sticking to the established Dans La Cuisine sales script. “It is a little pricey, but this thing will last you forever.”
“Dude,” said Colton, giving me a sleepy-lidded smile. “We want the best. Our guests can afford it.”
Cha-ching! More commission for me, if one of their guests actually bought the machine off their registry. “Okay, this is it.” I directed them to the coffee display. They didn’t even bat an eye at the eighteen hundred dollar price tag.
“Awesome, man,” said Colton as he pointed the registry gun.
I moved on to the next happy couple, who claimed they absolutely had to have a 10-piece set of Wusthof Ikon Blackwood knives, retail price twelve hundred and sixty dollars. Clearly, I needed to make friends with these people’s friends. Who spends that much on a wedding gift? Seriously.
The rest of the day went fairly smoothly, and being so busy kept my mind off Matt. That is, until one last customer dashed over to my section a few minutes before I was supposed to clock out.
“Hey,” he said. “My friends are getting married, and I have no idea what to get them.”
“Let me print you out their registry,” I said. “What’s the name?”
“Oh, I have the registry. That’s not the problem. The problem is that I don’t know what half of these things are.”
“Let me see it.” I glanced over the list with a practiced eye. “What are you thinking of spending?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I’m a groomsman. Does that mean I have to spend more?”
Now I glanced over him with a practiced eye. No Tag Heuer or Breitling adorned his wrist, and he wasn’t wearing trendy sneakers or expensive driving moccasins. In fact, his flip-flops looked a little raggedy.
“Usually, I recommend a gift that costs at least $150 if you’re actually in the wedding.” Actually, I usually try to steer customer toward the more expensive items, but this guy looked too young and too much like a student to have much cash to drop. Plus, he was cute. Really cute. My practiced eye also noted he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.
“Yeah, okay, I can do that,” he said.
“Well, in that case, why not get them this Laquiole?”
“Sounds like a skin disease,” he said.
I tried not to laugh. “It’s actually a very nice corkscrew,” I said.
“A hundred and fifty bucks for a corkscrew? Fine, whatever. They do drink a lot of wine—couple of lushes.”
“All right, I’ll get that shipped for you. Who should the card say it’s from?”
“From Matt. Matt Sanders. Hey, hey what’s wrong?”
As soon as he said his name, the memory of last night’s terrible breakup came rushing back to me, and my eyes welled up. “I’m sorry, it’s just that Matt is my ex-boyfriend’s name,” I sniffled. “Pathetic, right? To start crying because I hear his name?”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s his loss. I bet there are tons of guys lining up to date a cute girl like you. You just need a rebound guy.”
“You’re sweet,” I said. “But I’ve been out of the game for six months. I don’t know how to start dating again.”
“Well, how about if I ease you back into it? Do you want to get coffee after this?”
“You’re just asking me out of pity,” I said. “You just want to make the crying loser girl feel better.”
“I don’t ask girls out out of pity,” he said. “It’s a beautiful day and my afternoon is wide open. Why shouldn’t I spend some of it with a pretty girl?”
Flattery works on me every time. “Okay. I’ll be finished up here in about twenty minutes.”
“Great. Meet me at the Starbucks when you’re done.”
“The Starbucks on Third Street Promenade, the Starbucks in the mall, or the Starbucks on Ocean?”
“On the Promenade,” he said. “We’ll sit outside and watch the freaks go by. See you there.”
Well. This was an interesting turn of events. Maybe a rebound guy was just what I needed.

Happy Halloween!

2007-10-31T22:37:00.001-07:00

Well, we didn't get any trick-or-treaters, but at least we had cute pumpkins!

Why I Am Ashamed to Be a Realtor

2007-10-31T16:47:00.000-07:00

Really, there are many reasons to be ashamed to be a Realtor right now. Most Realtors are undereducated and not particularly good at their jobs. In fact, in a survey of public trust, Realtors ranked right down there with used-car salespeople. And that's why I don't really work as a Realtor anymore. (Well, that and the fact that after my one big sale, I wasn't making any money.)

But here's yet another reason to be ashamed of Realtors. This was the headline of an email from the Pacific West Association of Realtors that showed up in my inbox recently:

"Your invited to participate in the Swinging for Education Golf Tournament"

I especially like the fact that the glaring grammatical error comes in a pitch for a fundraiser for education. Nice!

My Positive Attitude Has Left the Building

2007-10-30T16:10:00.000-07:00

So, I've been working part-time for this company, and it's been really great. The work has been sort of boring, but it hasn't been overly challenging, and the pay has been amazing. Best of all, it gave me the chance to pursue some of my other interests. I have been in a wonderful, encouraging writing class, and I've written three solid chapters of my novel.

But all good things must come to an end. My part-time contract was up, and I was offered a full-time job with the company. "But wait," you might say. "Isn't that good news?" No, not exactly. You see, I'll be making roughly the same amount of money as a full-timer that I was making as a part-timer. Twice as many hours for the same pay! What fun! However, I had resigned myself to that fact, because the pay is still pretty good, and hey, everyone has to work, right?

Now, however, I am learning more about my new job responsibilities, and I am less than thrilled. One of my big jobs is going to be (drumroll, please!) UPDATING A SPREADSHEET! Yes, folks, that's right...I get to use my writing skills to change the phone numbers in an Excel document!

This is even more exciting, though. I get to go to a seminar on--wait for it--direct mail! (You may know it as junk mail--the stuff you throw out or put through the shredder without even opening.) I don't know what I should be looking forward to more: the discussion about "The Future of Intelligent Mail," or "The Response Optimization Guide and ROI Calculator."

Okay, end of rant. I will try not to complain too much. We need the money. We need the money. We need the money. Not everyone can be as lucky as my dear husband Mr. Pink, who has a job he actually likes! And eventually, I will finish my novel and sell it (fingers crossed) and then I will no longer need to live in a cube farm, where people get excited about innovations in mailing envelopes.

Did You Miss Me?

2007-10-19T15:42:00.001-07:00

My life went a little crazy back in September, which is why there has been a dearth of posts. But things are settling down a bit, so I will try to post more regularly.

Here's what happened: In mid-September, our landlord told us that he was planning to sell the condo that we were renting. He offered to "let" us buy it, but since the real estate market is tanking here in Southern California, and since we didn't think this cramped, 900-sq.-ft. place with no washer or dryer was worth the $410,000 he wanted for it, we decided to take a pass. Now, I lived in my parents' home while it was on the market, and I know that it is no fun to live in a place while it's for sale. You've got to keep it clean all the time, and you have no idea what sort of strangers might be trooping though and rifling through your personal belongings. So, we had to find a new place in short order. (Oh, and for the record, our landlord's condo has been on the market for about 15 days, and he's already dropped the price by $10,000. Maybe if he were to drop it by $200,000, we'd be interested.)

Luckily, we found a new place very quickly, and we signed a year lease. It's only two miles from our old place, and it is much, much nicer. We have about 300 more square feet, and now we have our own washer and dryer. We also have a very roomy two-car garage, plus two patios--one off the living room and one off the master bedroom. For all this, we only pay $75 more a month than we were paying!

Unluckily, the move was highly stressful. Mrs. Blacklabel, my mother-in-law, came out to help us pack, which was a huge help. I don't know how we would have done it otherwise. Then we rented a huge U-Haul one day to bring all of the furniture over, and Mr. Pink got some friends to help. But then the rest of the move was all up to me. I packed up all the books. I packed up the office. I schlepped over all of the clothes (okay, so they were mostly my clothes). I gathered up the bathroom supplies. And then I unpacked it all at the new place. I spent four to five hours a day doing all of this, and it was exhausting.

Once we finally got settled, we were off to Hawaii for a retirement/anniversary/birthday party for Mr. Blacklabel. We had a fabulous time, and we got to celebrate our third wedding anniversary in paradise at Roy's, one of my favorite restaurants. There was also a big party on Wednesday night, and we all got to drink tropical drinks out of pineapples. Very festive.

Mr. Pink had to leave Hawaii early to fly to Thailand for business, but I got to stay a few more days and lounge around and soak up the sun. But now it is back to the grind. Well, vacation was fun while it lasted!

Pottery Barn Is Anti-Box

2007-09-13T16:24:00.001-07:00

Today I stopped by my local Pottery Barn to buy a bridal shower gift. It's a kitchen-themed shower, which limited my gift choices somewhat, but I found a little condiment tray that the couple had registered for, and I thought it was cute. It was a wrought-iron tray that held three glass bowls that you use to hold ketchup, mustard, Sriracha, Tabasco, or any sort of sauce or dressing. I figured I'd get the thing boxed up and maybe add some spice mixes and write a little note on the card about "spicing up marriage." (Hey, what are bridal showers if not cheesy?)

So I took the tray up to the register and I asked for a box. The cashier stared at me blankly. "A box." I repeated. "I'm taking this as a bridal shower gift, and I need a box for it."

There are two sizes of boxes behind the register: small and slightly larger. Neither was large enough to hold the tray, which was about 14 inches long and 5 inches high. "Maybe you could put it in a bag," the cashier suggested.

"But won't the glass bowls rattle around? I'm driving all the way to Northridge for this shower. I want a box," I said.

"I'll see if we have some in boxes in the back," the cashier said. She then explained to me that it is Pottery Barn's policy not to put items out in boxes, so whenever they get a shipment, the people in the warehouse take everything out of the boxes and throw the boxes away.

"Well, what happens when someone needs a box?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said. But she thought that maybe there were a couple of trays that hadn't been unboxed yet.

No luck. The warehouse guys didn't have any condiment trays in boxes. They also claimed to not have any boxes at all. Period. The cashier, to her credit, did try to help me out by going to another store in the mall to see if she could get a box from them. But alas, the box search was fruitless.

I didn't buy the condiment tray. Instead, I went upstairs to Crate & Barrel and bought something that came with a box. (I can't tell you what it is, because the bride-to-be may read this blog.)

Usually, I don't shop at Pottery Barn or Crate & Barrel. And now, I have one more reason to avoid Pottery Barn. No boxes. How ridiculous!

Hurricane!

2007-09-04T18:30:00.001-07:00

Mr. Pink is trapped in Mexico, thanks to Hurricane Henriette. It is fitting, I suppose, that the hurricane that is causing so many problems for him shares its name with his stepmother, the bane of his existence.

I knew this surf trip was a bad idea from the beginning. And even if the airport re-opens tomorrow, who knows if he and his friends will be able to get there? They are in Todos Santos, about 40 miles north of Cabo San Lucas, and for about 20 of those miles, there is just a dirt road that has a tendency to wash away in big storms.

He says that the house they are staying at is safe because it is made of concrete, and that they are on high ground, and that they have a generator and solar power and plenty of food. At least Hurricane Henriette is only a Category 1 storm. It would be much worse if he was in one of the areas being lashed by Category 5 Hurricane Felix. Still, I worry about him. I just want him to get home safely.

You Get What You Pay For

2007-08-24T14:40:00.001-07:00

Wednesday night was the first night of my novel writing class at Saddleback College. Let's just say it's not what I had hoped for.

Our instructor seems like a very nice man, but I have some qualms about taking a novel writing course from someone who hasn't written a published novel. I don't know for a fact that he hasn't written a novel, but a search of Amazon.com and Google turns up no books by his name. Besides, don't you think you would mention your published works when introducing yourself to the class? He didn't. He did mention some creative writing contests he had won, though.

The other thing is that the instructor is a high-school dropout. He eventually got his GED, of course, and then he got his BA and MFA from Long Beach State. And he's been teaching at Saddleback ever since. He is also a postman. Well, that's not strictly true. he retired from the post office last week.

There are a wide range of students in the class, many of whom have never written anything before. I personally find it difficult to be in classes where people at so many different levels of ability are mixed together. I just don't know how the instructor is going to be able to teach beginning writing and advanced writing at the same time.

Finally, this is an ongoing class. You can take it several times for credit to continue to work on your writing. Some people in the class have been there for two or three semesters already, so a few of them brought in writing samples for the rest of us to critique and discuss at the next class. Based on what I've read so far, if I continue to take this class, I will be forced to read a lot of bad writing. Bad writing frustrates me. I don't know if I want to invite that frustration into my life. (I would post samples of the writing quality here, but I think that would just be too mean.)

So, here are the pros of staying in the class:

1. I would have external deadlines that would force me to write and turn in pages.
2. I would receive critiques of my work.

Here are the cons:

1. I don't feel like I would be learning a lot about the craft of writing.
2. I'm not sure how good the instructor will be.
3. I will have to read a lot of bad writing.

Is it worth it? I don't know. I would really rather take the Chick Lit online course, but that costs $475. Since I've taken a seminar from that instructor, though, I know that the quality of the course would be much higher. We'll see...after all, you do get what you pay for.

Frickin' Homeowners' Association

2007-08-22T16:49:00.000-07:00

Since Greg and I have been married, we have lived in two separate condo complexes. Both times, we have run afoul of the homeowners' association. Clearly, we have issues with authority. But also, HOAs are totally lame.

In the first instance, we were reprimanded for installing satellite dishes on the fence that enclosed our back patio. The fence, according to the HOA, was community property. We took that one all the way to the FCC, but we lost. So, we built a stand just inside the fenceline and installed our satellite dishes on that. It looked exactly the same from the outside, but the dishes were no longer touching the HOA's precious "community property."

We're in a similar situation now. There is a wrought-iron railing that encloses the yard behind our condo. We're the only unit that has so much outdoor space. All the other units have little bitsy balconies or patios, but because of the way the complex was designed, we have this extra space that juts out over the carports below. Our landlord built us a little patio, and we have our barbecue and patio set out there. Occasionally, meter readers come back there because that's where the electricity meters are, but we're the only ones who really use the space. So, we bought some of that reed fencing and lined the inside of the wrought-iron fence with it so that we'd have a little more privacy. We also wanted to screen our view of the parking lot.

The screening has been up for more than a month now. Today, our landlord called and told us that the HOA says we have to take it down because it violates HOA rules. I don't know exactly what rules those are. The rules that say the HOA gets to control everything, I guess. Or maybe the rules against making anything in the condo complex a little prettier. You would think that the HOA would be more concerned with the people who dump sofas, chairs, car parts, and bookshelves into our Dumpsters out back, causing them to overflow with trash, or the people who throw their soda bottles into the pool, but no. Apparently, our reed fence is the big, pressing issue. I don't understand why other tenants get to put trellising up on their balconies for their bouganvillas and whatnot. Maybe trellising is allowed, but reeds are not.

This is why I will never buy a condo. And I'd really rather not live in any type of community that is governed by an HOA. In my experience, the people on the HOA board are nothing but small-minded bureaucrats whose only pleasure in life comes from strict adherence to the HOA rules. I can't wait until Greg and I can afford a place of our own. Unfortunately, that won't be any time in the near future.

Why I Don't Subscribe to the OC Register

2007-08-20T15:23:00.000-07:00

There are many reasons why I don't subscribe to the OC Register, chief among them the fact that I am not a Republican. But mainly, it irks me when newspapers decide to start blogs and then don't do any quality control on them at all. "Lindsey" recently posted an item about how the trendy retail store H&M has opened locations in Orange County. Not only is there a glaring misspelling (havn't), she also does not even get the basic facts correct. She writes that, "[b]efore this summer the only places you could find an H & M were New York and L.A." That is not true at all. There are H&M stores in San Francisco, Walnut Creek, Emeryville, Pasadena, and Arcadia, and those are just a few of the California locations. There are also H&M stores in Virginia, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Indiana, and Rhode Island, among other states. I knew about the H&M stores in San Francisco, as I have shopped there, and I found the rest of the information right on the H&M Web site.

If you are going to run blogs as part of your newspaper's Web site, the blogs, and their authors, should at least adhere to some minimum standard of accuracy. Otherwise, I think it reflects poorly on the whole newspaper. And yes, all newspapers make mistakes, blogs are supposed to be a fun way to reach out to readers, etc., etc. But that's no excuse for posting things that are just plain wrong!

My Night of Meats

2007-08-06T19:36:00.000-07:00

August 4 is a glorious day--the day I was born. August 3 ranks pretty high, too, since it is the day Mr. Pink was born. This year, we celebrated the 10th anniversary of my 21st birthday in high style. We visited a Brazilian churrascaria and feasted on many meat-related delicacies.

Dinner started off with a trip to the salad bar, which seemed virtuous enough. But the irresistible cheesy bread rolls on our table hinted at the debauchery to come. I don't even like cheese, and I couldn't get enough of these little dough balls.

Once we'd finished our salads, it was on to the main event--the meat. We flipped our little tokens to green to indicate that we were ready for the meat, and soon, servers were stopping by our table every few minutes with new delectable morsels. We had parmesan-crusted pork loin, regular pork loin, bacon-wrapped chicken, bacon-wrapped filet mignon, regular filet mignon, salmon, skirt steak, and sirloin steak. Mr. Pink also partook of some lamb, but I passed on that, and we both gave the chicken hearts a wide berth. Everything was perfectly seasoned and perfectly cooked. We topped it all off with some birthday flan.

Dinner ended about two hours after we sat down, and we were well and thoroughly stuffed. I was still full the next morning. In fact, I didn't eat again until about 1:30 the next day. It was a memorable night.

The nicest part about my birthday is getting phone calls, emails, and cards from my friends and family. It reminds me how many great people I have in my life. Honestly, turning 31 was harder for me than turning 30 was. Now I am actually in my 30s, as opposed to just being 30. But I got carded buying a bottle of wine at the grocery store this evening, so the years must not be weighing too heavily upon my face.

So, it's on to a new year in my life. I'm going to do everything I can to make it a good one!

The Power of Positive Thinking

2007-07-26T17:57:00.000-07:00

Today was a nail-biter of a day--I had to go into the staffing office that is handling the background check and all the paperwork for the freelance copywriting gig I was hoping to get. When I arrived, I learned that in addition to taking a reading comprehension test, a logic test, and writing an essay, I would also have to take a math test--without a calculator! I am not a math person at all, but I figured that since I was up for a copywriting job, my math skills wouldn't be of the utmost importance. Still, I took the time to figure out the questions...I was asked about percentages a lot, which has never been my strong suit.

I had 30 minutes to answer 10 math questions, and another 30 minutes to read a passage and answer 10 reading comprehension questions. I finished the reading comprehension section in nine minutes, but I used almost all the alloted time (and a lot of scratch paper) for the math section. Once I finished, the recruiter said, "The computer scores all these tests automatically. Let's see how you did." I told him that I didn't think I did very well on the math test, but then, to my surprise, I found out that I got all of the answers right! (I also got all of the reading comprehension questions right, naturally.) The recruiter then said something that I'm glad I didn't know before I took the test: "Everyone from the CEO to the most entry-level candidate has to take this test," he said. "And if you don't get eight out of 10 of the math questions right, you're out of the running." That would have been an added layer of pressure I didn't need.

But in the end, everything worked out just fine, and I got a call from the HR coordinator this afternoon to officially offer me the job. I start next Friday. Yay! Best of all, I'll have a set 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. schedule, so I will still be able to work with my tutoring students and pursue additional freelance work on the side. And even though this job is only part-time, the hourly rate they are paying me works out to a decent full-time salary! I am so happy, relieved, and thankful--I can't wait to get started!

More Good Things

2007-07-25T19:23:00.000-07:00

I am still having my ups and downs of course--that's life--but I am feeling really positive about my chances for landing this copywriting contract. I spoke with the HR coordinator today, and she said the the VP of marketing really liked me a lot. So, now I have to sign up with their staffing agency to go through the whole criminal background check, but I think things are looking good.

I'm really trying to stay focused on that possibility, and some of the other good things that have happened recently. Here are a few:

1. Had lengthy chats with two of my best friends today.
2. Took a walk in the warm summer sunshine this morning.
3. Reconnected with some old classmates on MySpace.
4. Had an interested interview with a wine accessories manufacturer, which may lead to some marketing consulting work on the side.

There are irritating things that have happened recently, as well, but I am doing my best to ignore those incidents. For instance, I was not too pleased with an interview I had at another company, where the president of the company grilled me about my "writing output." This is a company that provides content for its clients' Web sites to boost the sites' search engine relevance. Most of the writing they provide is pretty shoddy, because they pay their freelancers 2 cents a word. Now, though, they have premier clients who are demanding better content, and that's where I come in. But apparently, the president is still somewhat averse to paying for quality and needs to justify it by knowing how many words I can churn out a day. I don't know about other writers, but for me, that's nearly an impossible estimate to make, because it all depends on the project I am working on. This guy was also fairly combative, telling me that he was getting "mixed vibes" from me, and that he didn't really think I wanted the job. This was my second interview with the company, and I know I could do good work for them, so I am trying to let these annoyances roll off my back. I am writing about them here and moving on.

I do have to write about one more ridiculous situation...in my side job as a Realtor, I try to help tenants find rental homes. The thinking is that then when they are ready to buy, they will come back to me for assistance. So far, however, it hasn't really worked out like that. What I've gotten is a lot of flakes and a lot of people with bankruptcies on their credit reports. And then there was this winner. I spent some time showing him some apartments one day, and in the course of conversation, I learned that I'd already met his girlfriend, to whom I had shown other apartments previously. Well, he liked one of the places I showed him, but when we went back the next morning so his girlfriend could see it, it had already been rented. So then I rushed around, trying to find them other options, and I took them out two additional times to see places. Finally, they decided to put in an application on one place, but they were leaving for Europe the next day. I had questions for them once I submitted their application, but they didn't return my calls or emails.

So then yesterday, I get an email from this guy saying that they rented an apartment the morning they left for Europe. Great. I'm so glad I spent all that time with them for no compensation. But that's what happens, and it wouldn't have bothered me so much if he hadn't then written, "By the way, you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen."

It is true that my eyes are exceptionally lovely. But can you believe the gall? I spend time taking this guy and his girlfriend around, they rent an apartment without me so I get no commission, and then the guy tries flirting with me? Honestly.

However, I am letting it go. And Mr. Pink needs to let it go, too. He wants me to give him this guy's email address so that he can give him what-for. But that won't be necessary. Then Mr. Pink said that I should forward the email to the guy's girlfriend. Again, no need. I am rising above it and focusing on the positive! (I just needed to gripe a little to get it out of my system. But I am not going to dwell. I am past all that now.)

Keep on keeping your fingers crossed about the copywriting job!

Keep Your Fingers Crossed!

2007-07-24T11:58:00.001-07:00

I just had an interview for a freelance position that I think fits my qualifications perfectly. I would be working as a proofreader and a copywriter for a financial services company, and although the position is part-time, I would make more there than I would at any of the full-time positions I have applied for. Also, I think the marketing manager and I had a good rapport. I said, "I actually really enjoy proofreading and copy editing," and she said, "Really? Me too! What is it about it that you like?" I told her that good grammar is really important to me, so it makes me happy when I find an error and can fix it, and she said that she feels the same way. We're both word nerds! This is important because while many writers will tolerate doing proofreading and copy editing, not a lot of them truly embrace it.

I really, really hope that I get this job. I think that the company may want to check references, so I am trying to contact some past clients to see if they will say good things about me. The company plans to make a decision fairly quickly, so keep your fingers crossed for me!

Positive Results

2007-07-18T21:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I posted positive thoughts on this blog, and today, something positive happened! I got a call from a woman who had seen my resume on Monster.com, and now she wants to bring me in to interview for a contract copywriter position. Today was just an initial phone screening, but I hope to have an in-person interview on Friday or next Monday. The position would be part-time for three months, but that would work out well because then I could take on more SAT tutoring clients. Plus, I'd be adding writing samples to my portfolio. The job also includes a lot of proofreading, and I think I am one of the few people out there who actually enjoys proofreading.

Other positive thoughts for the day:

1. I helped a student build his vocabulary and understand some of the finer points of grammar.
2. I am able to relax with a good book this evening.
3. The morning fog gave way to a beautiful sunny day.
4. I feel calm.
5. One of my friends really liked a dip I served at my housewarming party and wants the recipe. That made me feel good.

Let's see how long I can keep up this positive spirit!

Accentuate the Postive, Eliminate the Negative

2007-07-17T18:09:00.000-07:00

"You've got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative, and don't mess with Mr. In-Between."

I don't know why I know the lyrics to that old Bing Crosby song--it's probably a song that my grandma or grandpa taught to my mom, and she then passed it on to me when I was little and having a bad day. And since I've been having a bad few days, I decided it's time to accentuate the positive.

A list of positives:

1. Mr. Pink and I got to visit with my brother Esquire this weekend.
2. We threw an outstanding housewarming party.
3. I had two job interviews today.
4. I have caring friends, a loving family, and a wonderful husband.
5. I live in a nice place in a beautiful location.

Now, my pessimistic side wants to offer up rebuttals to some of the positives on my list, but I am going to eliminate the negative instead.

I don't believe in "The Secret" or the "laws of attraction" or anything like that, but I do know that it's more fun to be around happy people than it is to be around depressed people. That's why it's time to do some positive affirmations and "always look on the bright side of life"!

Crisis of Confidence

2007-07-12T16:43:00.000-07:00

What do you call a life crisis that happens in between mid-life (ages 45--50) and quarter-life (ages 24--25)? The third-life crisis? The 30-year panic? Whatever it might be called, I am having one.

The problem is that I am 30 years old (31 next month, if you want to get all depressing about it) and I have no idea what to do about my (non-existent) career. When I got my master's degree in journalism, I was all optimistic about my future. I thought that by the time I was 30, I would have the skills and experience I needed to start my own magazine. Oh, the folly of youth. For my first job, I worked a start-up trade magazine that never quite got started, so I was transferred to another, even more boring title. I then decided that maybe PR was where I wanted to be, so I got a job at a well-known entertainment PR company, where I lasted all of five days. Started on a Monday, quit on a Friday. It had something to do with the $11,000 pay cut I'd taken, as well as being asked to fetch the boss's lunch. I don't make a good underling, which is a real problem when you're trying to launch a career. And that's why, seven years later, I am still spinning my wheels.

I've had a few full-time jobs, but I am much happier when I'm able to set my own schedule and work for myself. Suddenly, however, I am faced with the need to earn a steady income, and my past career choices are coming back to haunt me. My resume shows no stability, and employers question why I would want to work for them full-time. I would question that, too, and the answer is, honestly, that I don't really, aside from my need to earn a paycheck. I am overqualified for administrative assistant jobs, underqualified for the better-paying jobs in my field, and completely lacking in skills for any other career. I had a brief flirtation with a career in real estate, but that ended when I realized I had no sales ability whatsoever. Well, no, actually. I am still making myself insane by trying to sell real estate and rent houses to people, but I work 12 hours a day, and I make no money. So it's probably time to try a different approach.

Here's a list of what I'm good at: writing; copy editing; being organized. It's not a very long list. Ideally, I'd be able to freelance as a copywriter and a copy editor and earn enough money, but I am not good at going after clients. Most of my previous clients all came from word of mouth, and I am unsure how to establish myself in my new hometown. Do I just write to publications and companies in my area and offer my services? That's what the books say to do, but I can't believe that's all there is to it. I have applied to numerous freelance gigs through Craigslist, but all of those people seem to want someone they can pay $6 an hour. I like to write, but I don't like it enough to do it for less than minimum wage.

The real blow came when an assistant job that I had lined up and was supposed to start in a week and a half suddenly fell through. I was supposed to work as a marketing assistant/girl Friday for a local real estate broker, but he called yesterday to say that he hadn't closed an escrow in four months and so could no longer afford to hire me. If that's not a sign that the real estate market is imploding, I don't know what is.

Now what? Do I just take any job? Do I suck it up and ask a temp agency to find me a $12 an hour secretarial position? Do I apply for the assistant editor job that pays $30,000 a year, even though that's far less than I made right after school? Do I train for a new career? Do I chuck it all and head back to the safety of academia, i.e., law school?

I don't know. I wish I were more like Mr. Pink. He had a desire to be a graphic designer, he went back to school and got a BFA, and then he used his design skills and his people skills to create a niche for himself. I have no niche, and I'm starting to believe that I have no people skills, since I've been working with all these potential renters lately, and not one of them wants to rent from me.

I am wallowing a bit, I admit. I need to pull myself up and figure out a solution. But at this point, I am so beaten down, and I feel like such a failure, that I don't even know where to begin. I was good at getting good grades in school, and now I'm afraid that I'll never be very good at anything else. I am tutoring two high-school students for the SAT, and I enjoy that, but the $90 a week I'm currently making from that gig isn't going to pay the bills. So now what? I'm open to suggestions.

Parents Out of Touch With Reality

2007-07-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

I have been out of touch with reality for the past few weeks myself, due in large part to some new work I have undertaken. I have been working 12-hour days, six days a week, and yet I have not yet seen any sort of financial reward. I hope some monetary satisfaction will be coming soon.

Saturday was a rare evening out. Mr. Pink and I decided to go see "Live Free Or Die Hard," a summer popcorn movie if ever there was one. We picked a 9:35 showing at a stadium-seating theater, and we got there about 20 minutes early to ensure our pick of choice seats. We were comfortably ensconced, but stragglers continued to come in even as the previews were ending, and then they were upset that they couldn't find seats together. Yes, I know all the pre-roll and the advertising at the movies is annoying, but it's either endure that or face the consequences of less-desirable seats.

I wasn't really bothered by this, though, until a father came in with his daughter, who was maybe 5 or 6 years old. Then his wife and his 11-year-old son came in, along with an aunt or maybe Grandma. No seats together! What do we do? What do we do?

Some suggestions:

1) Start by leaving the kids at home. Yes, this "Die Hard" was supposedly softer and it only carried a PG-13 rating, not the typical R, but still, it's Die Hard! It's going to be bloody and messy and violent! Do you really want your 6-year-old daughter watching John McClane run over people with his car or use a car to drop helicopters from the sky?

2) Come earlier. Or, send a few people in ahead of time to get seats, while the rest of you buy your giant sodas and troughs of popcorn.

But really, the main thing is, leave the kids at home! Yes, it's tough to get a babysitter, but if you want to have a family night out, do it at an age-appropriate venue, not a violent movie! And certainly don't take your 6-year-old to a movie when she doesn't understand the concept of whispering, let alone NOT TALKING AT ALL during the movie.

I do have to give the father some credit, though. After the daughter kept up her high-pitched monologue for the first 20 minutes of the film, he took her outside, and they were never seen again. And I could enjoy the rest of my popcorn flick in blessed silence. Well, except for all the on-screen explosions and car crashes and whatnot. But that's to be expected. Yippee-kai-ay, motherf-----!

An Expensive Day

2007-06-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

I am now nearly $800 poorer than I was this morning. And it's all thanks to my real estate career.

I had an appointment to join the Pacific West Association of Realtors this morning, so that I could gain access to the multiple listing service and start working with clients for Avalar, my new employer. I had to join PWAOR as a member, and I had to pay the MLS fees, and I had to lease a lockbox key. I also bought a mortgage calculator and a book. That was about $485 right there. I was just lucky that I had already paid my national and state Realtor dues for the year.

But the real fun started when I got home and tried to access the Tempo MLS system. I was able to register my security token and sign on with no problems. I was even able to enter search criteria. I couldn't actually run the search, though. So, I called up customer service. Here's how that went:

Ring. Ring.

"We are experiencing higher than normal call volume. Your call is important to us. Please hold, and your call will be answered in the order it was received. [Musical interlude]. We are experiencing higher than normal call volume. Your call is important to us. Please hold, and your call will be answered in the order it was received. [Musical interlude]. We are experiencing..." Ring. Ring.

Service Tech: "Hi, can I get your user name please."

Me: "Yeah, it's blah-blah-blah."

Service Tech: "How can I help you today?"

Me: "I can't search on the MLS. I'm using a Mac. Is there some sort of trick to it?"

Service Tech: "Yeah, you could call it that. If you have a newer Mac with an Intel chip, you need to buy Parallels Desktop and access the MLS through Windows."

Me: "Wait, doesn't that cost money?"

Service Tech: "Yeah."

Me: "And that's my only option?"

Service Tech: "Pretty much."

Me: "Well, when are you going to make the system Mac compatible? Lots of people use Macs."

Service Tech: "We've talked about it, but I've been here for five years, and nothing's happened."

Me: "Great. Thanks for your help."

So I go online and search Apple.com for Parallels Desktop. It costs $79.99, which doesn't seem so bad. But then I read the requirements. Yes, I have an Intel chip. Yes, I have enough memory. Wait. No, I do not have a Windows installation disk! I call the MLS support line again, and I have to hold again. Finally...

Service Tech: "Hi, can I get your user name?"

Me: "Blah-blah-blah."

Service Tech: "How can I help you today?"

Me: "Well, I just called, and I found out that since I'm on a Mac, I have to get Parallels Desktop to run the MLS. But does that mean I also have to buy Windows?"

Service Tech: "That would be correct, yes."

Me: "So, since I have a Mac, I have to pay like $500 to access the MLS?"

Service Tech: "I guess so."

Me: "I can't believe this! Do you get a lot of complaints about this?"

Service Tech: "No, not really, because we publish a book with all of our system requirements."

Me: "Well, I just moved down here from Northern California, and the MLS up there had a free workaround for Mac users. Don't you have anything like that?"

Service Tech: "No."

Me: "Great." [click].

Off I went, in search of both Windows AND Parallels Desktop. I was able to buy Windows at the Staples near me, but of course, I had to make a special trip to the special Apple Store to get Parallels Desktop. And now, $280 and much aggravation later, I can run both PC and Mac programs on my Mac computer. (At least it wasn't quite the $500 that I thought it would be.) Oh, the excitement! Best of all, dropping all that cash was only part of the aggravation I experienced today. But the rest of it is just too irritating to go into.

I know I can write all these expenses off on my taxes, but what I really need is some income now. Yeah, you've got to spend money to make money. I just wish I didn't have to spend so much all at once.

A Realtor Once More

2007-06-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

This weekend, Mr. Pink and I stopped to look at some open houses. Yes, we are the couple Realtors hate most: "looky-loos" who can't afford to buy what they're selling. Even worse for the Realtors, I am an agent, so I have no interest in getting on their contact lists so they can let me know about upcoming properties.

But that's neither here nor there. The point is that we saw a really nice home that we both liked a lot. Three bedrooms, two baths, nice upgrades, big lot, although the house was a little on the small side. Also, it only had a one-car garage. It was really cute, though. The price? $795,000, which apparently is cheap for a single-family home in Dana Point. That's still way, way out of our ballpark.

So, after much discussion, I realized that I need to find a highly lucrative job. Mr. Pink mentioned the "l-word"--law school. And while I know that I would enjoy the law school learning experience, I don't know that I really want to be a lawyer. It would be an expensive three years just to figure that out. Plus, Mr. Pink has a job that he loves, and I don't think he wants to uproot himself to live wherever it is that I might be admitted to law school--probably UC Davis, since they accepted me the last time I toyed with this idea.

No, I don't think that law school is the answer at this point. The problem is that I don't have anything that I love to do that people are going to compensate me well for doing. I do enjoy writing and editing, but I'm being offered 2 cents a word or $30,000 a year to do that stuff, and that is not going to help us buy a house. So, it's back to real estate. And not a $20 an hour assistant position to enrich some broker, either. No, I've got to go at it full force and make the big bucks.

To that end, I have joined Avalar Real Estate. It's an established franchise in Northern California, but it's just starting up down here in Southern California. The good thing about it is that I am going to start off in their rental program, where leads are fed to me and I try to match renters up with available apartments. Then I might be able to move into the REO world. Avalar has a good marketing program (although the current SoCal Web site is atrocious), and the company also offers revenue sharing plans, plus generous commission splits. Also, there's no charge for training, unlike at First Team, where I was being asked to pay $300 for basic training, even though I had already worked as a Realtor. But there's always a catch, isn't there? In this case, it's that the Avalar office is in Corona. Also, not a lot of people down here know about the Avalar name. But I'm really interested in the rental program as a way to make some immediate money before going back on a commission-only basis.

We'll see how it works out. But between this and the tutoring job, I've got to start bringing in some money soon, right?

Update: Kids Are Dumber Than I Thought

2007-06-13T09:50:00.000-07:00

I posted about my experiences with the kids' book editing test on another site, and I got some good feedback from a woman with an almost 5-year-old daughter. Seems I forgot an important point: Most kids can't read AT ALL until they are at least 5 years old. Oops.

Well, I learned a valuable lesson. Kids' publishing is not my forte. And it's probably good that I don't have kids yet. My expectations of their abilities would be way off.

Kids Are Dumber Than I Thought

2007-06-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back, I applied for an editing position with a local children's book publisher. They publish "how to draw" books for kids, where there's a little story with illustrations, and then the kid is supposed to draw something that was in the illustration, like a birthday cake. I was asked to do an editing test, and I thought I did a pretty good job of fixing errors and rewriting some of the sentences.

Apparently, I was wrong. My writing skills target the wrong demographic-adults, not kids. I don't know anything about how to write for kids, as evidenced by an email that I got today from the publisher. It said that I didn't make the cut because I did not make the language "age-appropriate" and "easy to understand." Now, I thought the sample text they gave me was pretty silly to begin with, but it turns out that 4-year-olds cannot comprehend words like "gigantic" and "especially." At least, that is what I am assuming, because those were the hardest words in the whole book. I don't have kids, and I don't know anyone with kids who are reading yet, so it has become obvious that I have no idea what kids are capable of understanding. I'm sure that when I do have kids, I'll learn in a hurry.

It's probably all for the best, though. I just accepted a job as a broker's marketing assistant, so I will continue to learn about the real estate market, and I'll also get to do some copywriting (aimed at adults). I am also going to be working as an SAT tutor, smacking some proper grammar into high-school students' heads. So for the most part, things are working out.

Paris Hilton Mania!

2007-06-08T15:27:00.000-07:00

I don't really want to feed into the whole media circus/bizarro world surrounding Paris Hilton's incarceration, but I would like to share some thoughts. Even if Paris Hilton suddenly was diagnosed with cancer or another dire illness, that alone should not excuse her from her jail time. There are plenty of examples of people who are at death's door who remain incarcerated, so the fact that a spoiled heiress might have some bad dreams or a "nervous breakdown" in jail does not mean she should be released after just three days.

I worked briefly for a trade magazine that covered the prison industry, and I had an opportunity to write several articles about the United States penal system and prison reform, so I would like to think that I am at least a little more informed than the average citizen. Here's the truth: While researching an in-depth article about how to solve prison overcrowding, I learned that mandatory sentencing guidelines in many states require inmates to serve as much as 80 percent or more of their sentence, so even terminally ill inmates who pose no threat to society are kept behind bars. Admittedly, the jail system is different than the prison system, and jail overcrowding is perhaps an even worse problem than prison overcrowding. Still, as Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer and members of the Sheriff's Department have pointed out, all jails are capable of providing medical care for inmates.

Look at it this way: If a non-violent three-strikes offender who is 75 years old and has cancer, diabetes and dementia remains locked up because of mandatory sentencing guidelines, why should a party girl who flouts the law like Paris get out early?

Some people are saying that the judge is being especially hard on Paris because she is a celebrity. I don't think so. Do you want that heir-head (to borrow a term from Page Six) driving around drunk while texting people on her Sidekick? We all know that a suspended license meant nothing to her. Maybe a little jail time will actually penetrate her bubble of privilege.

And house arrest? Seriously? What kind of punishment is it not to be able to leave your 2,000-square-foot gated mansion? Just think of the fun "jail-theme" parties she could throw there with all her friends, all without violating the terms of her punishment!

Driving drunk is stupid, although I am sure that many of us have done it, and have just been lucky not to cause an accident or get caught. But getting caught driving on a suspended license not once, but twice, is stupider still. And that is (hopefully) all I will ever write about Paris Hilton. I am still galled by that casting assistant's comment that my face reminded him of Paris Hilton. What an insult!

Good Things

2007-06-06T16:17:00.001-07:00

Escrow is closed on my first-ever real estate sale, which just happened to be my parents' house. This first-ever deal may also be my last-ever deal. Now that I've relocated full-time to Dana Point, I don't know which career path to take. There were a lot of things that I liked about being a Realtor, but not knowing when I'd get my next paycheck was not one of them. Plus, there are some people who are just inherently good at sales. I am not one of those people.

Handling the sale of my parents' house was made more difficult by my close relationship to my clients. When I gave them advice, I think it was hard for them to listen to me as their professional Realtor, and not as their daughter. And when we had discussions, it was also hard for me at times to interact with them professionally as clients, not as my parents.

But in the end, the deal got done. And although they refused to take my advice to hire people to help them pack up the 18 years' worth of accumulated stuff in the house, garage, garden, and two sheds, we got it done. Don't ask me how...when I arrived a week before escrow was supposed to close, I was worried about the vast amount of stuff that remained unpacked. My worries were not allayed by my parents wishing they had "one more week" to pack. The night before escrow was supposed to close, I just started throwing stuff in boxes. I actually labeled one box as "Misc. crap". We had to extend the close of escrow by four hours, but at least we closed on the day we were supposed to close. And in a few days, I should hold in my hands the biggest check I have ever received in my life. Of course, most of it is already spent. Do you know what happens when you live for several months with no income? You charge everything to your credit cards. And then you have to pay them off.

Now my parents are in their temporary home in Napa, which comes with a whole new set of problems; namely, how to fit all the possessions from their previous 3,700-square-foot abode into their new approximately 2,000-foot-shelter. The 10x15 storage unit that my mom rented does not even begin to make a dent in the the mountain of stuff that needs to be stored. The new house is wall-to-wall boxes, and the front porch and driveway are littered with excess furniture and all the potted plants that had previously dotted our 1.25 acre grounds. It is a sight to behold.

But again, this situation is temporary. Eventually, their dream house/retirement home will be built in the midst of our vineyard, and then all will be right with the world. That day can't come soon enough!

Does Sex Sell Mortgages?

2007-05-30T21:27:00.000-07:00

I read about this TV commercial on the L.A. Land Blog at LATimes.com, but it was originally mentioned on the Blown Mortgage blog. Apparently, the commercial is for real...it's a bad parody of those 1-800-call now to talk to hot singles commercials, except it's about home mortgages.

Kal has posted comments on the blogs taking issue with his commercial, writing, "My marketing slogan is 'I'm not your mothers mortgage broker, but probably your daughter's.'" He says he wants to target young renters who don't think they can afford to buy a home. Well, in California, they probably can't, but in Atlanta, maybe they can.

Anyway, the ad has accomplished one goal. It's getting Kal a lot of attention. (And yes, I am adding fuel to the fire.) If his niche is targeting first-time homebuyers, as he claims, then fine. Based on the commercial I saw, though, he's only targeting beer-swilling, Maxim-reading, former frat boy homebuyers. Note to Kal: Women have money, too. Women buy homes, too. And this woman, at least, is turned off by your advertising techniques. I doubt Kal's commercial appeals to women of any age. I am technically in the demographic that he wants to target--I'm a young renter considering a first-time home purchase--but the ad that I saw ensures that I will never call Kal for a mortgage, even if he could get me the best rate in the universe. Why would I want to get a home mortgage from a guy who thinks it's clever to have a bunch of busty women act like airheads to promote his business? "Like, oh my God! Mortgages are haaard! Let's get Kal to help."

This puts the "ick" in gimmick.

Marketing Keywords!

2007-05-29T09:09:00.000-07:00

At 4:45 on Friday afternoon, just before the start of Memorial Day weekend, I got an email from one of the companies that I had applied to. The company was asking me and an unknown number of other candidates to complete a writing test on one of a number of keywords having to do with cosmetic surgery. The instructions were quite involved, and the whole thing seemed a little fishy, but since I need a job, I decided to take a stab at the test.

The company claims that our work will be used "for evaluation purposes only," but I am suspicious that these "writing samples" may end up being used for their clients...a way to get lots of work written for free. So, I am posting part of my sample here to prove that I wrote it. If you want to know about body contouring, read on.

Body Contouring—Boost Your Body Confidence

Lean. Trim. Toned. Taut. We'd all like to be able to use those words to describe our bodies. But some of us need a little help to get there. Maybe no matter how many crunches you do, you can't get rid of that "muffin top" around your waist. Or maybe you hit the stair-climber seven days a week, but you just can't seem to shrink your thighs. If your body isn't as firm and shapely as you'd like it to be, body contouring may be able to help.

What Is Body Contouring?

Body contouring is a term that can refer to a wide variety of cosmetic surgery procedures, including liposuction, abdominoplasty (also known as a "tummy tuck"), butt lift, thigh lift, breast lift, or arm lift.

Refined cosmetic surgery techniques allow doctors to re-shape the contours of your body, leaving you with the figure that you have always wanted.

Job Searching

2007-05-24T15:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, all facetious job applications aside (see "More Fun With Craigslist" post), my job search is becoming discouraging in a hurry. I have revamped my resume. I have let friends and family know I am on the hunt. I have scoured various Internet sites for job postings. I have applied for multiple jobs. And so far...bupkis.

Well, that's not entirely true. Here's what's happened:

Real Estate Leads
*I interviewed for a broker's assistant position with a Realtor in Huntington Beach, and he wants me to come back for a second interview. It would probably be a decent job, and the pay is pretty good, but it's a long commute.
*I am going to a presentation from First Team Real Estate this evening, and I have a meeting with the manager of their Dana Point office next week.
*I had an interview with a real estate staffing service that provides pre-screened Realtors on a temporary basis to new home communities. The hope is that their candidates will eventually be hired full-time by the builders. That agency was really nice and invited me to come in for training, but if I do get sent out by them, the pay is only $11 an hour. It's like a paid try-out for a full-time job with one of the builders, and with the slowdown in the housing market, who knows if that's a good risk to take?
* I went to an open interview with the Irvine Company to see about being a leasing coordinator, but since I would like to make more than $35,000 a year, that's not going to work out too well.

Writing/Editing/Etc. Leads
*I did an editing test for a local book publisher, and I am hoping I'll here back about that.
* I have an interview next week for a contract editing and writing job.
* I had a phone interview for a tutoring position.
* I signed up with AppleOne and I took their assessment tests. I can type 67 wpm, I can do data entry with 100 percent accuracy, and I scored a 97 out of 100 on the Microsoft Word test. I believe this qualifies me to make $14 an hour as an administrative assistant somewhere, if I take the Phi Beta Kappa, magna cum laude, college honors, and master's degree off of my resume.

Mr. Pink says I shouldn't get so discouraged, especially since I have been looking for a job for only about two weeks now. The problem is that I feel like I am either over-qualified or under-qualified for everything that I'd like to do. For instance, I'd like to use my copywriting skills to find a job in advertising or marketing, but whenever I see those jobs advertised, they demand a minimum of two years of agency experience. I could certainly perform those job duties, and perform them well, but when I apply, my resume gets ignored because I don't have the precise experience they require--I am technically "underqualified."

I have also tried to get more entry-level positions, such as marketing coordinator, but I have a suspicion that those jobs go to people straight out of college who don't mind making $28,000 a year. And yes, money is a factor. I don't want to take a job that pays $12 an hour just for the "experience." But maybe I am going to have to.

Advice and suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

More Fun with Craigslist

2007-05-16T13:09:00.000-07:00

Now that I have officially moved down to Dana Point, I have started a job search in earnest. I would prefer to build my freelance clientele, but that will take some time, and I am in need of a more immediate cash flow. So, I have polished my resume and I spend my time trolling the Internet for job postings.

I found this one today on Craigslist:

"Job Title: Princess

We currently have an opening for a witty, sarcastic prima donna in our Irvine office. Show up late, leave early and spend your day chatting on your cell phone, surfing the Internet, reading magazines, listening to your iPod, and if it is not too much trouble do some light bookkeeping in QuickBooks.

Don't bother sending your resume - instead, type a couple of paragraphs in your own words explaining why I should consider you for the position."

Now, I am pretty sure this is not a real job posting, and I don't even know Quickbooks, but I decided to send in a response anyway. Not my finest work, but here it is:

"Subject Line: I'm the Princess!

I don't think this is a real job posting, but nevertheless, I'll take a shot.

You should hire me because what I do all day matches your job description precisely, except I do it at home, and I do it for free. Well, no, that’s not entirely true. I occasionally do a little light copywriting, copy editing, and household budgeting, for which some poor saps pay me handsomely. But they don’t pay often enough, which is why I am perusing Craigslist for new and exciting opportunities.

I brighten every room that I enter, and I am happy regale my co-workers with amusing stories of my fabulous and glamorous life. For instance, this weekend, I sat in the sun on a verandah overlooking the ocean while obliging waiters brought me champagne and mojitos and someone else paid the bill. See? Aren’t you amused already?

In short, I am a joy to be around. A position as office princess would suit me perfectly. I already have the tiara, and I am always looking for an excuse to wear it."

So what do you think? Will these people contact me?

The End of DVR Fast-Forwarding?

2007-05-09T16:46:00.000-07:00

ABC is pretty much my favorite network. It's got a lot of shows I follow religiously--Grey's Anatomy, Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives, Lost. But now ABC is starting to piss me off.

Today in Media Daily News, I read that ABC has struck a deal with Cox Communications to put some of its most popular shows--the very ones that I follow religiously--on Cox's Video On Demand service the very next day after they air. The catch? If you watch these shows on VOD, you won't be able to fast-forward through the commercials. ESPN has entered into a similar deal with Cox. These tests will be starting next fall in Orange County, Calif., which happens to be where I live, and where I subscribe to Cox.

I hate Cox for other reasons, which I will discuss in a separate post. It doesn't surprise me that this terrible cable provider would enter into such a deal. It does bother me that ABC apparently thinks that they should hold us hostage to television commercials. Okay, so at this point, if you record Grey's Anatomy on your DVR, you'll still be able to fast-forward through the commercials. You just won't be able to fast-forward if you forget to record it and want to watch it on VOD. But I still think it sets a bad precedent.

ABC's position is that it wants to nip ad fast-forwarding in the bud, before people get too accustomed to being able to do it. Now, I know that many people have yet to experience the magic that is DVR (according to Nielsen only 17 percent of households have them), but haven't people been recording shows on their VCRs and playing them back and fast-forwarding through the commercials for years? News flash: People don't really want to watch commercials. For the most part, they're just annoying.

I have a feeling that this is all being driven by Mike Shaw, ABC's president of advertising sales. I blogged about him last year after he said that he thought DVRs were just a "convenience," not a method of "commercial avoidance." Sorry, Shaw, but it's both. Do any of you out there who have DVRs not use them to skip commercials? I never even watch live TV anymore. I always record my shows, wait about 15 minutes, and then start watching, just so I can fast-forward through the commercials.

The American public is not stupid. Well, sometimes it is. But not when it comes to commercials. Most commercials are extremely stupid, and even when I fast-forward through them, I get the gist. Besides, I see the same commercials over and over. It's not like I don't get the message the first time. I don't need to see it 20 more times. Also, most commercials are a mixture of images and text. I can still read the text while I'm fast-forwarding. The message is not all lost!

Look, I understand that the television networks need to sell ads. Otherwise, how else could they justify kazillion-dollar salaries for their execs? Clearly, companies want to advertise to consumers so that we'll buy their products. But technology is changing the way we watch television, and once the genie is out of the bottle, you can't put it back in. If ABC succeeds in getting cable operators to "disable the fast-forward [button]," as Shaw wants, I might go back to recording shows via VCR.

Here's a tip for all the ad agency creatives who need to ensure that the ads they create will be seen so that the companies they work for will keep them on retainer: MAKE BETTER COMMERCIALS! I'm serious. If there's a commercial that is funny or intriguing, I will watch it willingly. I have even re-wound my DVR to catch a commercial I particularly liked. For instance, I always watch those "Mac vs. PC" commercials, because they make me laugh and I have been a fan of Justin Long ("Mac") since his days on "Ed." Seriously, these ad execs are also getting paid plenty. It's time to step it up.

There is another solution, too. Maybe it's time to go back to the days of sponsored shows. I'd be much more likely to watch a minute and a half of ad pre-roll before my show, if it meant that the narrative wasn't interrupted five times by stupid commercials. For instance, last night on "House," House discovers that Wilson has been dosing him with anti-depressants ground up in his morning coffee. This would be a great opportunity for one of the big pharmaceutical companies to sponsor the show, and then have it be their anti-depressant that is mentioned! (This would work especially well, since the FDA is planning to crack down on direct-to-consumer drug marketing).

Clearly, the same old way of advertising isn't working as well anymore. It's time to get creative. Isn't that what these people are paid for, anyway?

The Master Sleuth

2007-04-26T21:46:00.000-07:00

We have a problem with our extremely tiny apartment that I am convinced we are overpaying for, although our landlord is a) an extremely nice man, b) the father of one of Mr. Pink's friends, and c) a fellow non-Hodgkins lymphoma survivor.

Our upstairs neighbors apparently have a leak. This came to Mr. Pink's attention almost two weeks ago, when I was still up in Northern California dealing with my neurotic real estate clients, aka, my parents. The ceiling in one of the bathrooms is all swollen like a pregnant belly. It also is cracked in several places and drips water occasionally. Luckily, the water drips right into the bathtub, so we haven't had to do too much cleanup.

Unfortunately, our landlord has been out of town for two weeks. Mr. Pink did let our upstairs neighbors know about the problem, and they were like, "Oh, snap." However, they did nothing to rectify the situation. Now, our landlord is back in town, and of course, he wants the upstairs neighbors to take care of the problem, since the damage to our unit is more or less their fault. The problem is, we had no idea what our neighbors' phone number is. We didn't know if they rent or own. We didn't even really know their names. (Well, I think the guy's name is Alex, but that's only because I was tapping into his unsecured wireless network for awhile. Now he wised up and secured it, but we set up our own wireless network, so ha!)

Well, today I had some time on my hands because I am slightly ahead of schedule on my eBay copywriting project. So, I decided to play detective. I want to get this leak resolved so I can take a bath in my bathtub without fearing that the ceiling will rain down on my head. First, at my landlord's suggestion, I went upstairs and left a note asking the neighbors to call my landlord. I could hear them walking around up there, but they did not answer the doorbell. I taped the note right over their lock so they would be sure to see it, but later, I noticed they had moved the note without taking it inside to read. This annoyed me and made me more determined to find out who they were.

I tried the reverse directory, where you can put in an address and find out names and phone numbers. Although I got several results, this, alas, was to no avail, because the results were not sorted by unit number. I didn't want to arouse suspicion by calling each number and asking, "Hey, are you our upstairs neighbors?"

Then, I got on the Orange County recorder's Web site and attempted to do an online deed search, but the deeds are only indexed by name, and since I didn't know the owner's name, that was no help. So, I called the recorder's office and learned that the assessor indexed deeds by name, but I would have to go to the assessor's office to do the search.

By this point, I was into it, so I figured, hey, what's a 30-mile drive to Santa Ana? I should see the county seat. Besides, although my landlord said he would repair the problem himself if need be, he also said he would then take the owner to small claims court for damages, so I figured I might as well help him out by finding the owner's name.

I was surprised by how smoothly the whole process went. Armed with my Prius, my ability to drive in the carpool lane as a solo driver, and my trusty GPS system, I made it to the civic center in record time. (Getting 45 miles to the gallon, I might add.) The only hitch was that I parked a ways away from my ultimate destination, but it was a nice day for a stroll. Once I made it to the assessor's office, I gave the clerk the unit's address and she gave me the parcel number. Then I put the parcel number into the computer, and voila! I had the owner's name, and the value of the property. Public records are a fantastic thing. I then went on my merry way. I even got to have lunch at a nearby Chick-Fil-A, which is my absolute favorite guilty pleasure fast-food restaurant, and of which there are none in within easy driving distance in Northern California.

Once home, I used my newly enabled wireless network to go online and find the owner's phone number. Lo and behold! She actually occupies the leaky unit, or at least she does according to www.whitepages.com. I relayed this information to my landlord, who immediately called, only to find that there was no answer. Oh, well. The ball is in his court now.

As for me, you can just call me Astera, P.I.

Even Copy Editors Need Copy Editors

2007-04-23T18:38:00.000-07:00

I am spending the week at my new home in Dana Point, so I get to read the print version of the L.A. Times, instead of just the online version. I always enjoy the "Only In L.A." section by Steve Harvey, where readers send in unintentionally funny signs and whatnot. The humor usually stems from a misspelling of some sort.

Yesterday's "Only In L.A." column was even funnier than usual, at least to me, because an item pointing out a misspelling in a classified ad had its own misspelling. Isn't it ironic? The classified ad read:

"Luxury Ski/Vacation Home,
Fish for trout in your front yard, only eight miles to closet ski area. Easy access to Denver and Summit."

The person submitting the ad was labeled as Randi Hutchinson of Santa Moncia.

See? The column made fun of a misspelling in an ad, and now I am making fun of a misspelling in the column. It's the circle of life! I just hope there are no misspellings in this post. Let the circle be unbroken.

Lacerated By Taxes

2007-04-19T14:59:00.000-07:00

Normally there is nothing funny about filing taxes. But this article on SFGate gave me a chuckle. It's all about the delays caused by late e-filers. Most of those affected were using TurboTax, but some programs that tax preparers use were affected, too, including Lacerte (note spelling) and ProSeries. One tax preparer gave this quote:

"I have never sent a communication through Lacerate that did not go through the first time until Monday."

Ha, ha! Lacerated by taxes.

I used TurboTax to file my taxes last Friday, and I felt a bit wounded, too. Note to self: as a freelancer, I must put aside money for taxes throughout the year, so as not to be hit with an unwelcome April surprise.

Always Learning

2007-04-17T21:50:00.001-07:00

I am immersed in a copywriting project for eBay, and I am learning about all sorts of new things. Today, for instance, I had to write about inkjet printers. That probably sounds really boring, but while researching this subject, I finally learned what CMYK, the four-color printing acronym, really stands for.

I always thought CMYK referred to the colors used in the four-color printing process. This is mostly true. The colors are cyan, magenta, yellow, and black. Some people say the "k" stands for the last "k" in black, but I always thought that if the acronym really referred to the four colors, it should be CMYB. Right? Well, it turns out (according to Wikipedia) that the "k" stands for "key," which refers to the key plate used in printing. The key plate lays down fine detail in black ink. So there you go.

I imparted my newfound knowledge to my husband, who greeted this revelation with a shrug. "I knew that," he said. Right. Because he's a fancy graphic designer who knows all about printing and production and typefaces. He's a design geek. He has a book called "Helvetica: Homage to a Typeface."

That's okay. I know PLENTY of things that he doesn't know. So there.

But that's not really the point of the story. The point is that this is what I love about writing. Even when you're writing about something seemingly mundane, you may learn a useful bit of information. Next up: learning about HDTV.

The Move Is Imminent

2007-04-11T21:00:00.000-07:00

The short version: Mr. Pink lost his job back in November. After a brief, frightening period where we thought we might have to move to Seattle so he could work as a designer for a behemoth department store, we thought better of the rain and gloom. He then decided to look for jobs in Southern California. He has been there off and on since January, and he landed a permanent position at a great surf company last month. I, however, have remained in Northern California to sell my parents' house.

The house is now in escrow. It was on the market for a week, we got two offers, and it's in contract for over asking price. Yay! So now, I can finally move the rest of my stuff down to Dana Point and rejoin my husband at last. There's just one little issue: my hair.

Today, I went in and had my hair cut and colored by the best hairstylist I have ever had. I've been going to her for about a year and a half now, and she always makes me look great. We never get stuck in a rut, either. She always helps me change it up in subtle ways, and she does great things with color. I normally book my next appointment immediately, but this time, when she asked, "Do you want to rebook?", I didn't know what to say. She knows about the move, and she said, "Well, why don't I put you down, and if you're gone by then, you can just call and cancel."

"What am I going to do?" I asked. "How will I ever find a hair stylist down there?"

"The best thing to do is find someone with hair like yours in a style you like, and ask her where she gets it done," she said.

This made me laugh. "Um, there is no one with hair like mine in Southern California," I said. (Okay, this is an exaggeration and a stereotype. But I have short, dark, pixie-cut hair. Women on the Orange County coast have long, blonde, voluptuous hair.)

Sadly, my hair stylist had no answer for that. Dear readers, do any of you live in south Orange County? If so, can you please recommend a good stylist? And I don't even want to think about what I'm going to do without my good friend and aesthetician up here. I guess I'd better get used to paying retail for my facials and bikini waxes!

Accountability

2007-04-10T10:34:00.000-07:00

Now this is interesting...a sheriff decided to ticket himself for an unsafe lane change. Wouldn't it be nice if all officers of the law held themselves to such a high standard? I mean, I see police officers driving around all the time without signaling their lane changes or even signaling their intentions to tun at stoplights. I've seen them speed along the freeway even when they aren't in pursuit of anyone. And we all know that the police are guilty of much greater misconduct than minor traffic violations.

Really. If these police officers are supposed to uphold the law, shouldn't they be held to the same standards? I commend Brown County Sheriff Dennis Kocken. Too bad more law enforcement agents don't follow his lead.

Almost Famous

2007-03-26T21:23:00.000-07:00

Today, I was famous for 15 seconds. My photo was featured on the Yahoo! homepage, and thus, I was seen by millions of Internet users. A friend of mine called me up to let me know that I was on the site, and at first I didn't understand what she was talking about. Then I figured it out.

Here's how it happened: Several months ago, I did a stock photo shoot for a commercial photographer. I was asked to bring a variety of business clothes, and I was shot in various "business" poses--on my cell phone, at a desk, using a laptop, etc. I got paid a small amount, but I mostly did it for the experience. I never thought I would see the finished product.

Then, today, one of my stock photos turned up on Yahoo! to illustrate a story about how to tell if your job is in danger. I am holding my face in my hands, looking disgruntled. But as soon as I printed out a copy of the page, the story disappeared. I scanned it into my computer, though, and I am reposting it here for your viewing pleasure. Ta-dah! Almost famous!

I Am A Pirate

2007-03-22T22:02:00.001-07:00

Please excuse any typos...I have a patch over one eye. A nice, black patch, just like a pirate. Here's the story:

Monday night, my right eye started burning and watering like crazy. I immediately took out my contacts and washed off my eye makeup, but my eye still felt like it was full of sand. I went in to see the opthamologist on Tuesday afternoon, and he told me that I have a corneal ulcer, which apparently is worse than a corneal scratch. He said that if I had waited just one more day to come in and see him, I might have permanent vision loss! At that point, my vision was fine, but I couldn't keep my right eye open because it was so sensitive to light. Hence, the patch. The doctor also prescribed antibiotic eyedrops that cost $111, along with some drops to dilate my eye and help with the pain. Yes, $111 for a vial of eyedrops. But when faced with that or permanent blindness, $111 starts to sound like a deal.

I left the doctor's office with my eye dilated and patched. I also put on my glasses to help me see (they only give me 20/40 vision because I need new ones, but that's good enough to pass the DMV eye test!), and then the doctor gave me some giant old-lady wraparound cataract sunglasses to put on over my glasses. I looked HOT! And that was a really exciting drive home on the freeway!

I went back to the doctor yesterday, and the ulcer wasn't any worse, but my vision in the right eye was all cloudy. The doctor said he wasn't surprised and that my vision might even get a little worse, but it would "probably" get better. How reassuring.

I have been trying to limit my driving, but tonight I felt like having a hamburger for dinner, so I drove to the little diner place that's a mile from my house. I was still wearing my patch and eyeglasses at this point, so it should be obvious to everyone that my vision is impaired, right? So I order a hamburger, fries, and a medium soda, and it costs $6.47. Then I hear the people behind me order a "number 2 combo," so I get as close to the menu as I can, and I realize that the "number 3 combo" is the exact same thing I ordered, but for cheaper. Granted it was only an 85-cent difference, but why do people feel like they can take advantage of the handicapped? Respect the patch, people. Respect it.

PS--I got my 85 cents back, and I will no longer be patronizing that establishment.

Halftime (And Half-Wit) Complaints

2007-03-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

Remember the Superbowl? Remember the halftime show with Prince? I personally thought it was a good show, but as soon as they showed his silhouette behind that sheet, I knew there were going to be problems. Come on, ever since Janet Jackson, it wouldn't really be a halftime show without viewer complaints to the FCC. Oh, and the Snickers commercial got quite a few complaints, too, for its "pro-homosexual" theme.

The Smoking Gun has posted some of these complaints to its Web site. I have reproduced one complaint, complete with errors, here:

It was obscene to show Prince, a HOMOSEXUAL person through a sheet, as to show his siluette while his guitar showed a very phallic symbol coming from his below-midriff section. I am very offended and I would preffer not to have it showed to my 4 children who love football. One of them has hoped to be a quarterback and now he will turn out gay. I am actually considering to check him for HIV. Thanks CBS for turning my son GAY.

You just can't make this stuff up. Note to the parents and grandparents who complained to the FCC about this: first of all, you've all got filthy, dirty minds. And secondly, try turning off the TV and cracking open a book once in a while. Preferably one with chapters and without pictures.

Switzerland vs. Liechtenstein: Notes From an Invasion

2007-03-02T22:11:00.000-08:00

The Swiss invaded Liechtenstein the other day. This may seem like a joke, but it is not. The Swiss soldiers got lost at night and crossed the border. Now, I don't know about you, but that does not give me a great deal of confidence in the Swiss Army, or its knives.

Of course, it was an accident, according to the Swiss authorities. And really, it wouldn't be a fair fight, seeing as Liechtenstein has no army.

Liechtenstein. I just like saying it. Anyway, read the whole story here.

Thank You, Anonymous Poster!

2007-02-28T11:16:00.000-08:00

I would just like to give thanks to the anonymous poster who gave me advice about my migraines. I have been working with a neurologist to control my headaches, and I know she doesn't really want me taking narcotics, so the poster's suggestions for other medications to try were really helpful. It's not like I want to be a drugged-out zombie, either!

I have tried injectable Imitrex before, and it did work better than the pills. I just didn't like stabbing myself with a needle, but I guess I should get over it. I am also going to try and get some Compazine. I have Phenergan, which is also an anti-nausea drug, but that just makes me really, really sleepy. I don't know about the Prednisone, though...I took that as part of my chemotherapy regimen, and it was like, "Hello, mood swings!"

I also think I have to be less afraid to just take the Imitrex right away. I wait too long to take it because it's really expensive and I try to save it for the really bad migraines. Unfortunately, it doesn't work very well if I don't take it right away, and then I do end up with a bad headache and no relief.

Wow. You never know what good advice you might get as a result of a blog post!

Drugs--The Legal Kind

2007-02-27T20:13:00.000-08:00

I have a headache. A migraine. It is pulsing and throbbing and generally searing my brain with shooting pains.

"So why are you at the computer?" you might ask. I shall tell you. It is because I have tried everything else, including copious amounts of drugs, and nothing has worked, so I might as well entertain myself.

The worst part of this headache is that it started nearly 24 hours ago. I took a Valium and a Vicodin and tried to sleep, but at 4:00, I woke up with the same pounding pain. I was able to go back to sleep, but then when I got up this morning, the headache was still there. So, I took a Naprosyn and an Imitrex, which I hoped would work, since each pill costs about $22, but still, nothing.

I went about my day as best I could. I had a Coke at lunch, because sometimes caffeine helps. Not this time. Then this afternoon, I rested and took another Vicodin. Still no relief. I had a glass of wine with dinner, thinking that maybe the alcohol and the Vicodin would fuse in my system and create some new and improved pain medication. (Well, that, or cause liver failure.) Neither has happened.

I don't know what else to do. I am going to lie down again, and maybe tomorrow, my headache will go away. But who knows? Once, I had a headache for a month and wound up in the emergency room, where they gave me a shot of morphine and a prescription for Percocet. "Good times!" you may be thinking. Actually, no. I took the Percocet for an additional three days before the headache finally went away.

I'm not a drug addict. I have prescriptions for everything, and I only use these pills when I really need them. But what do I do when nothing helps?

Moving Is Hell

2007-02-21T22:20:00.001-08:00

Moving really takes a lot out of you. That's what I've been doing for the past week, it seems. Well, first it was packing boxes. Then it was carrying boxes downstairs. Then it was loading boxes into the truck. Then it was driving the 17-foot U-Haul 500 miles to our new apartment in Dana Point. Then it was unloading all the boxes. And then, it was unpacking all the boxes. (Yes, we have stuff besides boxes, too. Like furniture. But I wasn't responsible for that part. Just the boxes. So many boxes!)

Here are a few things I learned about moving this time around:

1. ALWAYS get the big truck. We thought that the 17-foot truck would be fine. Then we got everything that was at my parents' house all loaded in, and the truck was full, and we hadn't even gotten anything out of the storage unit yet. Oops. I grabbed a few boxes of our dishes and glasses out of the storage unit, but that's how we ended up down here with absolutely no silverware. And no bedframe. And no kitchen table.

2. Loading the truck will take much longer than you think. We had three workers plus Greg loading all the heavy stuff, along with me doing boxes, and it took four hours to get the truck loaded.

3. If possible, load the truck the day BEFORE you are going to drive 500 miles to your new home. Loading truck all day + driving truck all night = very cranky people.

4. An Aero bed is key. Once we got the truck loaded, we knew that we wouldn't get to Dana Point until about midnight. We also knew there was no way we'd be able to get the bed out then, since it was shoehorned in there. We borrowed a self-inflating Aero bed to sleep on the first night, and that saved us from sleeping on the cold, bare floor.

5. Moving is way more expensive than you ever think it will be. No matter how much stuff you bring with you, you will have to go out and buy more stuff. Always.

6. If you have a Mac with an Airport, and your upstairs neighbor has a wireless Internet connection, you can join his network for free! (Well, at least until Cox comes to set up your own account. I feel a little bit like a criminal right now.)

So, our apartment is looking good, although we are missing quite a few things, so we have to come back to NorCal and rent ANOTHER U-Haul truck to empty out our storage unit. Clearly, this proves #5 above. But in the end, it will all be worth it! (I hope.)

Star Sighting!

2007-02-14T10:06:00.000-08:00

Which star of a hit family television show (along with some dubious movies) was spotted at a well-known motor sports design firm on Tuesday? He was sporting a mohawk and driving a Maserati. Any guesses?

It was Frankie Muniz, of Malcolm in the Middle! According to my well-placed source at Troy Lee Designs, Muniz is on the small side (as are most actors, it seems. Well, not Will Smith. He's tall. But he was a rapper first.)

Rumor has it that acting will take a backseat while Muniz pursues a career in car racing. He was there to have a race helmet custom-painted by Troy Lee himself. Oh, the glamour!

Righting Writers' Wrongs

2007-02-06T10:36:00.000-08:00

I must say that I am a damn good copy editor. Yes, I occasionally miss a typo or a misplaced comma, but for the most part, I catch and fix just about every error a writer can insert into his or her writing. That's why I was on retainer as the copy editor for a local group of trade magazines. They didn't have anyone on staff who could do what I did.

But a week ago, I got word that my services would no longer be required. The publisher is spinning it as "budget cuts," but having worked with this publisher previously, it's my opinion that all he cares about is selling ads in the magazines. If we could print gibberish and still sell ads, he would fire the entire editorial staff in a heartbeat, I bet.

Anyway, after I got word, I went in one more time to do one last round of copy editing. Now, keep in mind that the copy I read has already been edited for content by at least one person. I'm there to catch the stuff that person misses. Unfortunately, the publications are so understaffed that the main editor misses a lot. (Again, this is the publisher's fault. Why spend money on more editorial staffers if you can sell plenty of ads with only a skeleton staff? Who cares about editorial quality? Not this publisher!)

A few of the more egregious examples:

"We were very careful just in case the Green Building Council didn't except all of the credits." (Accept! Why do so many people have trouble with homonyms?)

"It took a lot of coordination and detail orientated people." (Orientated? Is that even a word?)

"We designed the building to comply with the American's with Disabilities Act." (So the act applies to a single American?)

"The Commission blocked the state's permit request, sighting concerns of depreciating property values." (Again with the homonym confusion! It should be "citing." And what's with the weird capitalization?)

"Probation officials in Delaware State are on a mission to lower recidivism rates." (Let's see, the story already has a dateline that notes the location as Delaware. But gee, thanks for clearing up that confusion for me. Otherwise, I might have thought that Delaware was, I don't know, a country!)

And here are a couple of other great sentences that I culled from other instances when I went in to copy edit at these publications:

"Cost estimates to build the new courthouse are estimated at $40 million." (Really? The estimates are estimated?)

"The company recently announced the introduction of its newest product." (Yay! I love dull, overly verbose sentences!)

So there you have it. Instead of striving for excellence, this group of trade magazines seems to be aggressively striving to be below average. Way to take pride in your work product, people!

Running and Running

2007-01-20T15:56:00.000-08:00

Here's the thing: I hate running. I really, really hate it. But lately, I feel like I'm carrying around a little too much junk in the trunk. (I've always had a curvier bottom half, but this picture is from about a year ago, and I have definitely added more unnecessary padding since then.)

To alleviate this issue, I've been hitting the gym. One night, I decided to run a mile. Well, I decided to see if I could run a mile. Because, you see, since I hate running, I never do it. I mean, why should I do something that I hate when it is completely avoidable? It's not like I'm starring in Alias or 24, where bad guys are constantly chasing me down dark alleys. Hence, no need to run.

In the interest of whipping myself into shape, though, I forsook the elliptical trainer and the recumbent bike, and I forced myself to get on the treadmill.

I started slowly--a few minutes of walking. Then I worked my way up to a trot. And then I started running. (Well, jogging is probably more accurate--according to the treadmill display, I was going at 5.5 mph.) The important thing, though, is that I maintained that pace. I wanted to quit about halfway through, but I kept at it, and I completed my mile in 10 minutes and 54 seconds. Is that totally pathetic, or is that an okay start for a novice runner?

I think I will try to run at least once a week, interspersed with my other cardio activities. All the runners I know talk about this "runner's high" that they get. Maybe I will grow to love running. But somehow I doubt it.

Auditions, Auditions, Auditions!

2007-01-17T17:42:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am still pursuing my acting dream, foolish though it may be. But 2007 is off to a good start. I had two auditions last week--one was for Nature Valley (you know, the granola bars), and one was for an industrial for Sun Micro. I didn't hear back about either of those, so I didn't get the parts, but it's good practice! I also went in for a go-see to be a fit model, but I guess I didn't have the right measurements. Well, there's not too much I can do about that.

What I'm really excited about, though, is the audition that I have lined up for Friday. The casting directors are specifically looking for enthusiastic Prius owners. That's me! Here's the email that got me the audition (well, that and my headshot):

Hello!

Wow! I am so excited about the opportunity to tell people how much I love my
Prius! Ever since I got it about a year and a half ago, I have been trying
to convert people into Prius owners. In fact, I often give tours of my Prius
to people who are thinking about getting one for themselves. Everyone is
impressed by the push-button ignition and the information screen. My whole
family loves driving our Priuses. First, my dad got one in red. Then, I got
one in blue. And then, my mom decided she liked mine so much, she got one of
her own, also in blue!

A little about me: I am a Realtor, so I am in my car a LOT. The car is less
than two years old, and I have already put 30,000 miles on it. Although the
Prius may seem small on the outside, it's quite roomy on the inside. Even
the backseat is comfortable. I can easily take clients around in my car, and
still haul around all my real estate paraphernalia...A-frame signs, stacks
of flyers, listing folders, etc. I generally get about 45 miles to the
gallon, and when gas prices were higher, I just laughed at the people
driving Hummers and Escalades.

When I'm not driving my Prius, I enjoy dancing, creative writing, reading,
hiking, biking, socializing with friends, and wine-tasting. The only bad
thing about my Prius is that whenever I go out with friends, I usually have
to drive, because they all want to ride in my cool car, with its six-CD
changer and GPS navigation system!

I hope you'll choose me to be a part of your television commercial. I am an
enthusiastic Prius proselytizer, and I think I'd make a terrific brand
ambassador. I even have some on-camera experience! I look forward to hearing
back from you soon.

See? Very enthusiastic! Lots of exclamation points! I have a good feeling about this one, so wish me luck!

Pride and Prejudice

2007-01-12T18:04:00.000-08:00

I have been on a real Jane Austen kick lately. There are several authors who have written novels that purport to continue the Elizabeth Bennett/Mr. Darcy story, but I have never been interested in any of them. I liked the way Pride & Prejudice ended, and I had no interest in reading about Elizabeth's and Darcy's imagined daughter, or anything like that.

Then I came across the "Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman" series by Pamela Aidan. It's a retelling of Pride & Prejudice, all from Mr. Darcy's point of view. I read An Assembly Such as This, the first book in the trilogy, and I was hooked. I think the three books (Duty and Desire and These Three Remain are the other two) do a really good job of capturing the spirit of Austen's work, and Aidan adds in a lot of intriguing details and backstory for Darcy and other characters, such as Charles Bingley. I re-read Pride & Prejudice while reading the books in the trilogy, and that just added to my enjoyment. Then I watched the movie version with Keira Knightley, and that completed the whole experience. So, if you're in the mood for a little Austen immersion, I highly recommend the "Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman" trilogy.

Next on my reading list (and in a totally different vein)...Happiness Sold Separately, by Lolly Winston. I read her first novel, Good Grief, last year, and her dry wit and distinctive voice amused me. Her new book is more somber, but it's still a good read so far.

What are you reading?

The Public Mailbox Is Not to be Used as a Trash Receptacle

2007-01-02T22:17:00.000-08:00

No, that's not the odd title of the new Panic! At the Disco single. (Does anyone know why their song titles are so long? Is it just to irritate radio DJs? And is lying really the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off?)

Anyway, back to the mailbox. I had a few bills to mail today, and as I was walking to the mailbox on the corner, I noticed three teenagers ahead of me--two guys and a girl. They were laughing and fooling around and having a great time on a sunny, if chilly, winter day. But then one of the guys opened the mailbox and threw his soda cup right inside! Right inside the mailbox where I had to put my bills! Most upsetting. "Hey!" I said. "That's pretty disgusting! That's people's mail in there, you know." He had the good grace to look somewhat shamefaced. "My bad," he said. And then the girl starting berating him, too, which I'm sure had more of an effect than my outrage.

It should just be common sense. The public mailbox is not to be used as a trash receptacle. Anyway, isn't tampering with the mails a federal offense?

The Times, They Are A-Changing

2007-01-01T21:19:00.000-08:00

Well, at least I hope they are a-changing. It's a bright, shiny new year, full of hope and optimism. And since 2006 wasn't such a great time, Mr. Pink and I are looking forward to what 2007 may bring. We haven't made any specific New Year's resolutions, exactly, except to say that we want our lives to change. We want him to find a new, fulfilling job, and me to sell some houses in my fledgling real estate career. We also want to get the hell out of Dodge, aka the Marin suburbs. We just want something different.

There is a superstition that says that whatever you do on New Year's Day is something you'll do a lot of for the rest of the year. We tried to incorporate all the activities we'd like to continue throughout the new year. We went to the gym, and I took a bike ride in the sunshine, while Mr. Pink took his motorcycle out for a spin. We deposited some money in our bank account. We spent time relaxing. I did some real-estate-related work, and now I'm doing some writing. Mr. Pink looked for a new and better job. We worked together to make a delicious dinner. We even ate black-eyed peas, which are reputed to bring luck in the new year. After all, we need all the luck we can get. This year, I think we'll make our own luck.

So welcome, 2007. To quote the Counting Crows, "Maybe this year will be better than the last." And to quote Tom Petty, "The future is wide open."

Sleepless in Seattle?

2006-12-18T20:43:00.000-08:00

The day has come. Mr. Pink, who lost his job to outsourcing back in November, has found a new job. He likes the people, and the company is supposed to be one of the best to work for. The problem is, it's in Seattle.

I spent about two days in Seattle when I was 17. We stopped at the Space Needle, and then we took a ferry to Vancouver. I don't have many strong memories of the place, but I don't really want to move there. I get depressed when it rains all the time--when I was at Northwestern, I had to go to the student health center and sit under special lights to prevent me from being so blue. I don't like cold weather--we're having a cold snap here where temperatures are dropping into the 30s at night and barely reaching the 50s during the day, and to me, that's really cold. I am not particularly hardy. Also, I'm not that much of an outdoors person. Several people have told me how beautiful Seattle is, but personally, I think I've got plenty of beauty right here in Marin County.

I know I'm not very flexible, but I have lived in other places, and those experiences made me realize that I never wanted to leave California. Now, it looks like I don't have much of a choice. Mr. Pink has an offer for a steady job, and my acting, writing, and real estate business hasn't really allowed me to rake in the big bucks yet. Therefore, it seems that I have very little say in the matter.

"It's not forever," Mr. Pink says. "Besides, you have to look at the big picture. This will look great on my resume, and it will allow me to get a better job later."

Maybe so. I have agreed to try it out for a year. I know I need to keep an open mind, but I have a lot of misgivings about this move. First, it's going to be expensive to move up there. Second, my income potential will be limited, because I will have to give up my freelance clients that I have established here. Third, my real estate license is not transferrable, and I don't know the area, so even if I get re-licensed, selling homes in an area I don't know will be tough. Fourth, we know maybe one person in Seattle. Fifth, I like living close to my family, and Seattle is 800 miles away. Sixth, I have an agent here who sends me out on auditions whenever possible. I just had a callback for a Jeep commercial, and although I didn't book the job, just going out and making it to the second round was a rush. It just seems like I have all the cons in this situation, while my husband has all the pros.

It's hard not to be resentful, but I am doing the best I can. "Look at it as an adventure," Mr. Pink says. So, I'm looking for apartments and calling movers to get price quotes and planning a reconnaissance mission up to the Pacific Northwest. But if I had my way, Mr. Pink would find a job here, either in the Bay Area or in Southern California. Is that too much to hope for?

Scenes From a Marriage

2006-12-12T19:51:00.000-08:00

Last night, lying in bed, the light was hitting Mr. Pink's face just right.

"What are you looking at?" he asked.
"Your eyelashes are really long," I said.
"Yes, they are sumptuous," he said, and then he fluttered them so I could appreciate their luxurious length. Yes, he said "sumptuous."

So. Even when we're fighting about whether or not he's going to take that job in Seattle, a place to which I have no desire to move, since I don't like coffee and I don't like rain, he can still make me laugh.

Operation 50,000 Words--Complete!

2006-12-06T13:59:00.000-08:00

This is a belated post, because I had to give my fingers a break after typing so much in November. But I did meet the Nanowrimo goal--50,000 words of a novel in 30 days! The only problem is that I'm 50,000 words into the thing, and the ending that I want is nowhere in sight. I guess I'll just have to keep writing, but I need to take a break first, so that I can take a look at everything with fresh eyes. Right now, the thing is a mess, and the plot takes this whole unplanned detour, and a lot of it is just stream-of-consciousness. But hey, it's a start!