----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ The Fabulous Adventures of Astera: Writer/Actress for Hire: A Diagnosis

The Fabulous Adventures of Astera: Writer/Actress for Hire

Meet Astera (aka: me), a star in her own mind. Our plucky little heroine has embarked on not one but two difficult, low-paying career paths: writing and acting. Witness the menial jobs! The unreasonable demands! The quirky friends and family! And the glimmer of success just ahead! Through it all, Astera maintains her core beliefs: 1) She is destined to be fabulous 2) Everything is more fun with a cocktail.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

A Diagnosis

I went to the doctor yesterday because I am still in quite a bit of pain from my surgery. Not enough to keep me hitting the Vicodin bottle, but enough to be uncomfortable all the time. So, I told the doctor how I was feeling and all the remedies I've tried, and he did an exam and determined that there was nothing seriously wrong with me. You know what he diagnosed me with? A delicate constitution.

A delicate constitution. Can you believe it? I've suspected it for years, but now the diagnosis is official. I wonder what tipped the doctor off. Could it have been the near-monthly bouts of strep throat I suffered as a kid? Maybe it was the five collapsed lungs I developed in high school. I finally had surgery to correct the problem, but my trick lungs were lying in wait. On my honeymoon, I got my sixth collapsed lung! I wonder if I win a prize if I make it to 10.

But I digress. Let's see...what else could make the doctor think I have a delicate constitution? Hmm...maybe it was the extremely painful pleurisy I had a few years ago. Or maybe it's the fact that I bruise like a peach. My husband sometimes worries that people will think I'm being abused. Maybe it's the uterine fibroid I had removed. Or maybe it was the lymphoma I developed at age 26. Then again, it could have been the mono that kept me from completing my final grad school project on time. Or perhaps the blinding migraines that I get. I have a weekly pill organizer, a blue plastic one like senior citizens use, to keep track of all my daily medications. And I have a shoebox full of the prescriptions I use only occasionally.

Let's see: strep throat, collapsed lungs, mono, pleurisy, fibroids, migraines, cancer.... Me, a delicate constitution? Who'd have thought?


  • At 6:51 PM, Blogger Kelly Love said…

    Delicate constitution! I feel your pain. It sounds like something a character in Victorian literature would succumb to. Perhaps he should prescribe a fainting couch, or smelling salts? Besides the list of (very real) ailments you've given here, you sound like a pretty tough cookie to me. Keep your chin up, star. And take care of yourself...you've been through much. Perhaps he should have diagnosed you with a hearty constitution, considering the number of times you've fought off health problems successfully...

  • At 9:16 PM, Blogger darth said…

    delicate constitution..wtf? is your doctor from the 19th century? that sounds like a euphemism for something.. like.. "confirmed bachelor"..

    ouch..collapsed lungs doesn't sound good..how do they correct something like that?


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