----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ The Fabulous Adventures of Astera: Writer/Actress for Hire: March 2007

The Fabulous Adventures of Astera: Writer/Actress for Hire

Meet Astera (aka: me), a star in her own mind. Our plucky little heroine has embarked on not one but two difficult, low-paying career paths: writing and acting. Witness the menial jobs! The unreasonable demands! The quirky friends and family! And the glimmer of success just ahead! Through it all, Astera maintains her core beliefs: 1) She is destined to be fabulous 2) Everything is more fun with a cocktail.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Almost Famous

Today, I was famous for 15 seconds. My photo was featured on the Yahoo! homepage, and thus, I was seen by millions of Internet users. A friend of mine called me up to let me know that I was on the site, and at first I didn't understand what she was talking about. Then I figured it out.

Here's how it happened: Several months ago, I did a stock photo shoot for a commercial photographer. I was asked to bring a variety of business clothes, and I was shot in various "business" poses--on my cell phone, at a desk, using a laptop, etc. I got paid a small amount, but I mostly did it for the experience. I never thought I would see the finished product.

Then, today, one of my stock photos turned up on Yahoo! to illustrate a story about how to tell if your job is in danger. I am holding my face in my hands, looking disgruntled. But as soon as I printed out a copy of the page, the story disappeared. I scanned it into my computer, though, and I am reposting it here for your viewing pleasure. Ta-dah! Almost famous!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I Am A Pirate

Please excuse any typos...I have a patch over one eye. A nice, black patch, just like a pirate. Here's the story:

Monday night, my right eye started burning and watering like crazy. I immediately took out my contacts and washed off my eye makeup, but my eye still felt like it was full of sand. I went in to see the opthamologist on Tuesday afternoon, and he told me that I have a corneal ulcer, which apparently is worse than a corneal scratch. He said that if I had waited just one more day to come in and see him, I might have permanent vision loss! At that point, my vision was fine, but I couldn't keep my right eye open because it was so sensitive to light. Hence, the patch. The doctor also prescribed antibiotic eyedrops that cost $111, along with some drops to dilate my eye and help with the pain. Yes, $111 for a vial of eyedrops. But when faced with that or permanent blindness, $111 starts to sound like a deal.

I left the doctor's office with my eye dilated and patched. I also put on my glasses to help me see (they only give me 20/40 vision because I need new ones, but that's good enough to pass the DMV eye test!), and then the doctor gave me some giant old-lady wraparound cataract sunglasses to put on over my glasses. I looked HOT! And that was a really exciting drive home on the freeway!

I went back to the doctor yesterday, and the ulcer wasn't any worse, but my vision in the right eye was all cloudy. The doctor said he wasn't surprised and that my vision might even get a little worse, but it would "probably" get better. How reassuring.

I have been trying to limit my driving, but tonight I felt like having a hamburger for dinner, so I drove to the little diner place that's a mile from my house. I was still wearing my patch and eyeglasses at this point, so it should be obvious to everyone that my vision is impaired, right? So I order a hamburger, fries, and a medium soda, and it costs $6.47. Then I hear the people behind me order a "number 2 combo," so I get as close to the menu as I can, and I realize that the "number 3 combo" is the exact same thing I ordered, but for cheaper. Granted it was only an 85-cent difference, but why do people feel like they can take advantage of the handicapped? Respect the patch, people. Respect it.

PS--I got my 85 cents back, and I will no longer be patronizing that establishment.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Halftime (And Half-Wit) Complaints

Remember the Superbowl? Remember the halftime show with Prince? I personally thought it was a good show, but as soon as they showed his silhouette behind that sheet, I knew there were going to be problems. Come on, ever since Janet Jackson, it wouldn't really be a halftime show without viewer complaints to the FCC. Oh, and the Snickers commercial got quite a few complaints, too, for its "pro-homosexual" theme.

The Smoking Gun has posted some of these complaints to its Web site. I have reproduced one complaint, complete with errors, here:

It was obscene to show Prince, a HOMOSEXUAL person through a sheet, as to show his siluette while his guitar showed a very phallic symbol coming from his below-midriff section. I am very offended and I would preffer not to have it showed to my 4 children who love football. One of them has hoped to be a quarterback and now he will turn out gay. I am actually considering to check him for HIV. Thanks CBS for turning my son GAY.

You just can't make this stuff up. Note to the parents and grandparents who complained to the FCC about this: first of all, you've all got filthy, dirty minds. And secondly, try turning off the TV and cracking open a book once in a while. Preferably one with chapters and without pictures.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Switzerland vs. Liechtenstein: Notes From an Invasion

The Swiss invaded Liechtenstein the other day. This may seem like a joke, but it is not. The Swiss soldiers got lost at night and crossed the border. Now, I don't know about you, but that does not give me a great deal of confidence in the Swiss Army, or its knives.

Of course, it was an accident, according to the Swiss authorities. And really, it wouldn't be a fair fight, seeing as Liechtenstein has no army.

Liechtenstein. I just like saying it. Anyway, read the whole story here.

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