----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ ----------------------------------------------- */ The Fabulous Adventures of Astera: Writer/Actress for Hire: Bizarro Craigslist

The Fabulous Adventures of Astera: Writer/Actress for Hire

Meet Astera (aka: me), a star in her own mind. Our plucky little heroine has embarked on not one but two difficult, low-paying career paths: writing and acting. Witness the menial jobs! The unreasonable demands! The quirky friends and family! And the glimmer of success just ahead! Through it all, Astera maintains her core beliefs: 1) She is destined to be fabulous 2) Everything is more fun with a cocktail.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Bizarro Craigslist

I think Craigslist is a genius idea. Almost anything you want — a new job, a used car, furniture, a sexual liaison, an apartment for rent, a forum for ranting — can be found in one of its categories. I sold a couch on Craigslist, and I found my current job that way, too. I now peruse the “gigs” listings in a search for freelance writing assignments and/or acting auditions. Most of the listings are bogus, of course — they want you to write for free or take your clothes off (EZ work for good pay) — but I did find one reliable freelance client. And sometimes, Craiglist’s value lies solely in the entertainment that can be had from reading the postings made by the clearly delusional. Yeah, okay, you wannabe actor. I am sure that a legitimate agent is going to read your posting about your desperate need for representation and bring you in without ever having seen your headshot or resume. They’re not already deluged with submissions — they have plenty of time to browse the Internet and read crackpot postings by people who can’t even spell.

Yesterday, however, I found a posting that made me wonder if darker forces were at work on Craigslist. I will reproduce the posting for you in its entirety, complete with odd capitalization:

Highly Motivated Creative “Tomboy” wanted ASAP

Youngish female student type wanting to work and learn trades, art, living and survival skills…must be drug free and nonsmoking. Ability to get up early and stay up late. Work and learn in a highly Artistic environment. Learn many skills and real world survival. Work Exchange for room and board with additional pay at $10 per hour…part time basis. Must like animals, can be loner type, be able to handle physical activity and challenges, not afraid to get hands dirty. Can start immediately.

All right, perhaps this posting is perfectly innocent. Perhaps the poster is just seeking assistance on his farm. But let’s speculate a bit. What are these “survival skills” that are being offered? Sure, maybe it’s just something like how to create an earthquake-preparedness kit, but I think it sounds more ominous than that. It could be something like how to create your own terrorist cell and live off the land while on the run from the Feds. I mean, come on. “Can be loner type”? “Not afraid to get hands dirty”? I think this guy is looking for a young, naïve female runaway with no friends that he can recruit into his crazy anti-government cult. Why else would he want someone to live there? And why is it that he specifically wants a female who is “able to handle physical activity and challenges”? So she can breed strong children for his militia, that’s why! The get up early and stay up late thing is suspicious, too. Everyone knows that sleep deprivation is a widely-used tactic for breaking down one’s defenses. Highly artistic environment? Well, sure, I guess blood spatter patterns could be artistic.

Call me crazy if you want, but I think I’m on to something here. I’m open-minded, though. If anyone would like to provide a reasonable alternate explanation for this truly bizarre help wanted ad, I want to hear it. Otherwise, I might be forced to alert the authorities.


  • At 4:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    thanks! but not genius, mostly persistence.


  • At 6:03 AM, Blogger Kelly Love said…

    I peruse Craigslist every now and then just for entertainment. Unfortunately, we have no local list where I am (Charleston SC), but I hold out hope that we will have it someday!

    I've seen some straaaaange stuff posted to those lists!

  • At 10:51 AM, Blogger Bruingirl said…

    I think it's a posting for a tiger trainer...for a circus. You know those carnies...they're strange folk...


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