The Worst Employee
Even though I have not been at my new job for very long, I feel secure in the knowledge that I will not go down in the annals of company history as the worst employee ever. Yes, I spend a lot of time clicking around on the Internet (though not blogging--never again!), and yes, I am perhaps too forthright with my opinions about the direction our publications should be taking (c'mon, could you really imagine me as un-opinionated?), but those are really minor transgressions. I meet my deadlines and I turn in good work. And spending time on the Internet is actually a necessary component of my job. I am a writer, people! (Well, a writer/actress.) Sometimes I see news articles that provide me with new ideas for things to write about. Besides, my ideas need time to germinate and marinate in my head. I can't just sit down at my computer immediately upon completion of a phone interview and churn out crisp, compelling copy. These things take time!
Anyway, my peccadillos as an employee aside, someone else has already taken the "worst employee imaginable" crown at my place of business. She no longer works here, so I feel it is safe to relate this story. Apparently, this woman was hired to do some data entry. Well, two weeks after she was hired, she began to complain about carpal tunnel syndrome. Why take a data entry job if you have wrist problems? But the company, more chary of lawsuits than I, bought said woman a voice-recognition program so that she would no longer have to actually do any typing, even though that is what she was specifically hired to do. Anyway, all the employees used to work in one small room before--they didn't have the luxury of offices with doors, like we do now--and this bad employee would sit there all day long and shout at her computer, since you must speak VERY CLEARLY AND LOUDLY to have the software recognize your voice.
Annoying, no? But that was not the worst of it. This employee would also go sit in her car in the parking lot and smoke pot! Imagine the chutzpah! Using illegal substances while at work! Granted, I use drugs at work, too, but I have a legal prescription for all of mine, so that's different. Anyway, people at work quickly caught on to her pungent aroma and her penchant for wearing sunglasses indoors, so she was fired.
The moral of the story is that there's always someone who makes a bigger mistake than you did. And that can be comforting. Ah, yes, our dear friend Schadenfreude. It'll get you every time.
Anyway, my peccadillos as an employee aside, someone else has already taken the "worst employee imaginable" crown at my place of business. She no longer works here, so I feel it is safe to relate this story. Apparently, this woman was hired to do some data entry. Well, two weeks after she was hired, she began to complain about carpal tunnel syndrome. Why take a data entry job if you have wrist problems? But the company, more chary of lawsuits than I, bought said woman a voice-recognition program so that she would no longer have to actually do any typing, even though that is what she was specifically hired to do. Anyway, all the employees used to work in one small room before--they didn't have the luxury of offices with doors, like we do now--and this bad employee would sit there all day long and shout at her computer, since you must speak VERY CLEARLY AND LOUDLY to have the software recognize your voice.
Annoying, no? But that was not the worst of it. This employee would also go sit in her car in the parking lot and smoke pot! Imagine the chutzpah! Using illegal substances while at work! Granted, I use drugs at work, too, but I have a legal prescription for all of mine, so that's different. Anyway, people at work quickly caught on to her pungent aroma and her penchant for wearing sunglasses indoors, so she was fired.
The moral of the story is that there's always someone who makes a bigger mistake than you did. And that can be comforting. Ah, yes, our dear friend Schadenfreude. It'll get you every time.
posted by Astera @ 10:04 PM
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