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The Fabulous Adventures of Astera: Writer/Actress for Hire

Meet Astera (aka: me), a star in her own mind. Our plucky little heroine has embarked on not one but two difficult, low-paying career paths: writing and acting. Witness the menial jobs! The unreasonable demands! The quirky friends and family! And the glimmer of success just ahead! Through it all, Astera maintains her core beliefs: 1) She is destined to be fabulous 2) Everything is more fun with a cocktail.

Monday, October 17, 2005

A Simple Plea

Mr. Pink and I just returned from a week in Florida, where we celebrated our anniversary. We ended up in Orlando, because that's where there were timeshares available. Although it wasn't as glamorous as South Beach, we had a lot of fun going to the theme parks and being kids again. I got to go to the waterslides, and I love waterslides. But while we were there, with the masses of other vacationers from across the country and around the globe, I made a disturbing observation: We are all becoming fat slobs.

Now, I know this is not earth-shattering news, because the "obesity epidemic" has been trumpeted in the news lately. But I live in an upscale area of California, where yoga and Pilates are the order of the day. And you know, it's none of my business if someone is fat or not. It's tough to lose weight, people shouldn't be judged for the way they look, some people have medical conditions that cause them to gain weight, etc., etc. But I have a simple plea. Could everyone just put on some clothes that fit? And I'm not targeting only the plus-sized. This goes for skinny little teenagers who think that everyone's just dying to see their navel piercing and their hipbones. Please. I think a little modesty is in order. And yes, I know that all these people are on vacation, it's hot in Florida, they just want to be comfortable, yada yada. Still, there are ways to be comfortable without showing off your pounds of flesh.

Clothes that fit...what a concept! Here are some guidelines. If the shorts that you're wearing are riding up your ass crack, exposing acres of cellulite, they don't fit. If your belly fat is seeping out of your spandex tank top, it doesn't fit. If you can't bend over in your skintight lowrider jeans without showing a plumber's crack, they don't fit. If your shirt is so tight that everyone else can see the outline of your lacy bra, it doesn't fit. If your skirt barely covers your coochie, it doesn't fit. And if you're wearing a leopard-print body suit (which I actually saw someone wearing)...well, that's just wrong.

Aren't clothes that fit just more comfortable than clothes that are too tight or too revealing? I think so. And what are these people thinking, anyway? Haven't they ever seen an issue of Glamour, with all the "Do's and Don'ts" on the back page? Do they really all want to be "Don'ts"? I am not saying I am some fashion maven or that I have impeccable personal style, but I do take pride in my appearance, and I don't feel the need to show off every hill and valley of my physique. If nothing else, let's leave a little something to the imagination...please?


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